“What do you mean, ‘something?’”
She bites her lip, and another text comes in.I think it may have overheated or something. It stopped driving altogether and there was a flashing red light on the dash.
I stifle a groan. “Color me shocked you were able to drive it that far," I say, giving her a stern look. "That was the old car Mac was fixing up, but he didn't have the right parts for it. It's been sitting around unused for months now."
Oh.She hangs her head and doesn’t meet my eyes.
I’m sorry and will make it up to all of you.
She turns as if to walk away, but I grab her hand. “Where the bloody hell do you think you’re going?”
She stares at my hand in shock, then tugs my arm away from her. Pursing her lips, she sends me another text.I meant what I said in the text. I don't belong here. And as grateful as I am for you saving me, with the knowledge that I will never, ever go back to my childhood home, I need to find a different place to go now. I came here to borrow some money from Father MacGowen, and to find my new place in the world. I'm very sorry to leave you like this, but if it's all the same to you it's time for me to go.
"It's not all the bloody fucking same to me! Are you out of your mind?" I realize that we’re causing a scene in the middle of the street, and even Tate, who doesn't like to tell me what to do, is clearing his throat.
"Get in the car, Cairstina," I growl at her, pointing to the back. She shakes her head stubbornly. "If you don't, I'll be forced to do what I did the first day I found you.”
She gives me a curious look, then finally sighs and texts again.
You can’t always make me do what you say with brute force.
“Oh?” I say, giving her a stern look. “Watch me.” I lower my voice, pleading. “You come with me.”
She sighs.I’ll come just this once, but only because I want to be sure Islan is safe and I want to… apologize to your mum.
It’s a start, so I nod. I can work with this.
Lachlan comes and picks up the others. They all know instinctively that I need alone time with Cairstina. I don't know what's gotten into her head, but I know that whatever it is I need to get it out. I know that the past few weeks together havemeant something. And I may not be the Captain of the clan that I should be, but I also know who I am.
And this bonnie lass sitting next to me is the reason why.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cairstina
My heart aches so badlyI feel as if I could welcome a swift and merciful death. I never knew such poignant, vivid pain, but I’m in the throes of it now like never before. I want so badly to be with him, to be his girl. To believe all the beautiful things that he says to me. I know what I brought to this family. I know who I am. And I know now that I'm better off alone.
The first leg of the journey home is quiet, as he's driving, all broody and silent, and I have nothing else to say. I still can't believe that I actually spoke aloud. I don't know how I did it, except when I saw the other man coming at Leith and needed to warn him.
He looks angry again, just like he did when I first met him.
I watched him hurt my brother today. And my brother may be dead. I don't know what kind of a person I am to wish this, but I hope he is. I don't want to ever worry about my brother coming after me again.
I don't belong here anymore. I never did. I only wish I knew where I did belong. On instinct, I reach my hand to Leith’s leg, and give his thigh a squeeze. I want him to know that I'm here with him. I want him to know that even though I don't belong here anymore, I will always love him. Bailey’s on the other side of me. He places his head in my lap. I close my eyes, and give myself away to my imagination once more.
I pretend Leith is special to me, maybe even my husband. I have him to my left and Bailey to my right, so I'm surrounded in a safe little bubble of love. A little cocoon of safety. I want this so badly there's a lump in my throat. I swallow it, and it doesn't go away.
Finally, he speaks. “Cairstina.” He only says my name, nothing more. I look at him curiously, wondering what he'll do next. I guess he just said my name? He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, the road in front of us clear so he can take a moment to give me a stern look. “Say my name again.”
I open my mouth so I can do what he says, so I can say his name. I liked the feel of it on my lips. But the words don't come. They never do. I put my hand on my throat, grasping it, willing it to work. I’ve researched mutism and trauma heavily. Mine was caused by brain damage. It was a fluke that I spoke at all.
“Perhaps this is in your head, lass.” His voice is gentle, but I don't know how to respond at first. I shake my head at him. It’s more than that.
“You said it once,” he says. “I know you can do it again." His voice is tremulous. And I don't know how to respond at first. I open my mouth again, but I can't speak.
"I know how to make you speak the truth," he said, solid determination making his jaw firm. He pulls to the side of theroad, and for a moment I wonder if he's going to punish me again, or overpower me, somehow intimidate me into doing what he wants me to. He looks furious. Determined. I’ve seen him do violent, wicked things, and yet… I’m not really afraid.
He holds my gaze. “I love you.”
