CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
MYLO
Still no Christinefor the rest of the day. I casually check in with the lead production assistant, who’s in charge of the schedule. She confirms a few things were shuffled around to give her the day off.
So sheisavoiding me. I should be happy she’s giving me room to breathe, but that hollow feeling pangs again.
The suppressants should be working. The more distance I get from her, the better I should feel. And while my feverish symptoms don’t get worse, I feel… restless.
It gives me enough energy to get through the stunts of the afternoon, including a fighting sequence and a ratchet pull. I hydrate to make up for my sweating and push through the dizziness. Once shooting has wrapped for the day, I meet up with Andy to practice fight choreography for tomorrow.
Then it’s off to our new lodging, a motel ten minutes away. At least I won’t have to wake up as early to get to set on time.
I plop down on the polyester comforter, checking my phone again.
Artemis Pharmaceuticals Patient Portal - You have a new provider message
I log in again and find a message from Giovanna Heath, MD.
Hello Mylo,
Due to the time zone difference, I wanted to send a note about your results. Please feel free to book a call with me to discuss any questions. Your blood test results are consistent with Suppressant Rejection Syndrome (SRS). Common symptoms of SRS are breakthrough heats, fever, nausea, musculoskeletal pain, mood swings, fatigue, unusual arousal, and headache. Breakthrough heats are likely to be irregular in cycle, usually shorter and more frequent than typical heats.
This is a new research area that’s still developing, but the preliminary recommendation from the Alpha-Omega Physicians Association (AOPA) is to proceed with tapering off suppressant usage under medical supervision, utilizing a specialty heat center if necessary. Increasing suppressant dosage is a common treatment, but evidence does not support its efficacy at this time. I’ve gone ahead and put a referral in for you for a heat center stay, meaning your insurance is required to treat it as medically necessary. For estimates of cost, please contact your insurance company and have the information for the heat center you would like to use.
What evidence we have so far suggests that the longer patients with SRS continue to use suppressants, the more risk they have of developing permanent partial or complete resistance.
I’m happy to manage this tapering protocol with you, or to forward your results and my notes to any physician of your choice.
Best Regards,
Giovanna Heath, MD
I stare at my phone. Then reread the message ten times until the words finally start to make sense in my brain. Suppressant rejection… I’d never even considered…
Increasing suppressant dosage…
I go check my bottle and do the math. If I double my dosage, I’ll have just enough left to get through the end of shooting. Getting my prescription filled early when I get back to LA is a problem for future-me.
After browsing some forums, I decide that the best option is to take my second dose in the evening. I like this option mostly because I’m anxious to do something now, to have some semblance of control—especially as my hands quake with violent shivers despite my sweating through my fresh clothes in ten minutes.
The room suddenly feels too quiet, too empty, and I turn on the TV to a random channel. The voices slow the spread of that dark sensation, but it doesn’t stop.
I thought I was used to loneliness; I’m alone a lot. I tend to enjoy my solitude. Butthisis… a panicky, frantic feeling, a grim sense that I’ll forever remain unwanted and unclaimed.
I curl up on the bed, pulling the polyester comforter tight around me.
Another phrase from the doctor’s letter jumps to mind:mood swings.
God dammit. Isanythingmine right now? Or am I at the mercy of these stupid hormones, miserable for no reason?
Tears well in my eyes, and that in and of itself is enough to drive my mood over a cliff, more tears quickly following. I’m out here on my dream job, crying about… crying?
I roll over and bury my face in the sheets, willing myself to fall asleep.
At least this time, I don’t dream.
