“Good for you. He deserved to be shouted at for the bullshit he pulled back then,” Hannah says with a smile, probably wishing she had been there to see it. “Did something else happen at the lake?”
“He kissed me?—”
“Have you decided what you’d like to order yet?”
Are you kidding me?Our server ignored us for the past fifteen minutes and decides to show up now. Where was she when I was trying to avoid this conversation?
“Tacos. I’ll take the chicken taco plate,” I blurt out, ready for her to get out of our hair so I can finish telling Hannah what happened before I lose my nerve.
Hannah rattles off a similar order, politely smiling, even though I can tell she’s holding her emotions back. She’s seconds away from telling this woman to leave us the fuck alone for a few minutes so she can hear the rest of the story, knowing I tend to act like a spooked cat at times.
As soon as the waitress saunters away, Hannah’s eyes are back on me with fierce determination. “He kissed you? How exactly did that happen? I need details.”
“It came out of nowhere. One minute, we’re reminiscing, the next, his lips are on mine. It was…” I sigh and try to find the words to describe the best kiss of my life. “It was life-changing. There isn’t any other way to describe how it made me feel. I didn’t see it coming and definitely didn’t expect him to confess that he’s been harboring romantic feelings toward me for a while.”
Hannah spits out her drink, droplets falling on the table. “What do you mean he’s felt this way for a while? How long are we talking? I’m going to lose it if this goes all the way back to high school.” She keeps her eyes locked on mine while she usesher napkin to clear up the spray of Diet Coke that barely missed the chips and salsa. What a travesty that would’ve been.
I shake my head and chuckle. “Definitely not that long ago. His feelings started a couple of weeks after he came back to town. He kept them pretty well hidden until the night at the lake. And now he wants a chance with me. Making promises about forever.”
“Wow. Did not expect Jake to settle down. He’s always run from commitment like it’s the plague.” She takes a long sip of her drink, studying my face. “Do you believe he’s ready to commit to one woman long-term? Forever?”
“I think so. My heart is screaming yes, while my brain is flashing a warning sign. Wanting me to consider how he broke my heart, the revolving door of women on his arm, the drastically different lives we lead, and how suspicious the timing looks. Ifyouquestioned whether Jake caused my engagement to end, imagine how other people will react.” I sigh, shaking my head at the thought of the scandal our relationship could create. “He’s waiting for me to decide. Abiding by the boundaries I’ve set, even though it becomes harder and harder every day to deny how we feel. I’m so close to jumping in with both feet and not worrying about the consequences.”
We sit in silence for a couple of minutes after the waitress drops off our orders, and we begin eating. My face may appear calm and relaxed, but I’m dying to know what Hannah thinks about the possibility of Jake and me being together. Wanting her approval. The extra push I need to listen to my heart, not my mind.
Hannah finishes a bite and exhales deeply. My muscles tense, knowing I’m seconds away from hearing her unguarded thoughts. I clench my fists tightly, digging my nails into my palms as I hope for the best. “When I saw you and Jake looking close last night, I immediately thought you might be having afling. A quick rebound to get over Brian, which I would fully support. I never expected to hear that Jake had feelings for you.”
I nod in agreement.
“You’re an amazing woman. He would be extremely lucky to be with you. And we both know that he’s a great guy most of the time.” She pauses, taking a lengthy sip from her Diet Coke, like she’s trying to delay what she’s about to say as long as she can. “But I worry about Jake hurting you again. I question how a relationship could work, given his schedule, the demands on his life, and the scrutiny he’s under. It’s nothing like you’re used to. None of us is. And we’ve all fallen victim to how he can easily let his career take over his life. Cutting people out of his life without a second thought. I don’t want that to happen to you again.” She closes her eyes, exhaling deeply before saying, “I don’t know if the potential reward is worth the risk to your heart.”
I blink away the tears in my eyes. She hit the nail on the head. All the concerns I have about starting a relationship with Jake. The heartbreak it could cause. Her words are clear warning signs, pointing out danger ahead, encouraging me to turn around before it’s too late.
forty-two
“How was lunch with Hannah?”Jake asks as soon as I walk into the house, taking his headphones off. He’s sitting on the couch with his computer on his lap and socked feet propped up on the coffee table. “Your mom is taking a nap. This morning’s therapy wore her out. And before you ask, I made her eat lunch before she went to lie down.”
“Thanks. Lunch was fine,” I reply, heading toward the kitchen. I glance at my watch and see I have only twenty minutes until my next meeting. Spending longer at lunch than I originally planned is throwing a minor kink into my plans for the day. Probably should work late to get caught up. It would also give me an excuse to avoid going over to Jake’s house after my mom is in bed. Allow me some space to figure out how Hannah’s advice should factor into my decision.
“Fine? That sounds ominous.”
I turn around, crashing straight into Jake’s chest. His warm hands touch the bare skin of my arms, activating the wave of butterflies that’s taken up residency in my belly. This is exactly why I need space from him. My body can’t control itself when he’s around.
“What happened at lunch, Kate?” Jake stares into my eyes as he gently rubs his hands up and down my arms. “Talk to me. Please.” His voice is almost a whisper, a plea, and it fucking breaks me. Any resolve I have to keep my conversation with Hannah private is wiped out. I want to tell him everything. Let him reassure me that her fears are unfounded. Have him convince me this can work. That I’m the woman he wants.
I exhale, averting my gaze from his for a minute before locking eyes with him again. “Hannah saw us together.”
“Okay. So did everyone else who was there.” His brow crinkles. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“No. She sawus. Near the arcades. The way you leaned into me. Looked at me. She knows something is going on.” I shake my head, stepping away from him, but immediately missing his warmth. “She confronted me about it. Asked if you were the reason my engagement was called off.”
“What did you say?” He clenches his jaw, the muscles straining against the pressure.
“I tried to pivot the conversation, but it didn’t work. So, I eventually told her the truth. What happened with Brian. The night at the lake. Where things stand now,” I answer, turning to face the kitchen window and staring blankly out into the backyard. “She has…concerns. A lot of valid concerns.”
“I see,” Jake replies, pacing the kitchen. If I look at him, I bet I’ll see him running his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends like he tends to do when he’s stressed. “What does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know, Jake. I wish I did. IthoughtI did. But now…” I squeeze my eyes shut, clasping my hands together in front of my face before slowly turning around to face him. “Hannah doesn’t think the possibility of us being together is worth risking my heart. Not with your history.”
