I roll my eyes, quickly changing the subject away from Jake and me getting naked. A shiver races down my spine, lighting a match in my core. Fuck. The mere thought of him turns me on.I am so screwed.
As soon as I hang up with Chelsi, my phone dings with a text. My heart begins to pound. Is he already doubting what he said and did last night? What if he wants to pretend it never happened?
Jake
Want me to bring over breakfast and coffee?
That’s an odd question from him. He’s been doing that every day for weeks. Shit. It’s already getting awkward between us.
Kate
Don’t you always?
Jake
Yeah.
Three dots appear and quickly disappear a few times before he finally sends another message.
Jake
Wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me this morning. Didn’t want to barge into your house in case you needed some space after last night.
Kate
Oh.
Jake
To be clear, I don’t want any space from you. I’d like to be as close to you as possible at all times. But you want to focus on being friends, so I’m trying to calm myself the fuck down.
Kate
Coffee and breakfast sound great.
Jake
On it.
Excitement takes over. Hewantsto see me. He doesn’t regret last night. This might be real. A childlike giggle escapes my mouth, surprising the hell out of me. It’s been forever since I giggled. And it’s all because of him and the possibilities for the future.
thirty-eight
“Hey,”Jake says cheerfully, walking in the front door of my mom’s carrying two coffees and a bag of pastries. It’s the same routine he’s had for weeks, but everything feels different now. His text to check if it was okay to come over. The twenty minutes I spent fussing with my hair and applying a tiny bit of makeup to give myself a quick morning glow-up without looking like I’ve tried too hard. I’m toeing the line of putting in effort without going overboard, which is why I’m still wearing my pajamas.
“Hey,” I murmur, a blush creeping up my neck and cheeks. Did he always make me feel this flushed, or is this new? Oh God. What if he can tell? I bite my lower lip, averting my gaze to gain some composure. I can’t flush every time he’s near. What kind of mixed signal does that send? I tuck my legs underneath me and stare at the corner of the room, sensing him coming closer to me.
“Kate,” he whispers, standing inches away. He leans down, gently caressing the side of my face with the back of his hand. “Things don’t have to be awkward between us.” He cups my chin, turning my face toward him. “There’s my girl.” He flashes a heart-melting grin that makes me want to forget whatever I said last night about taking this slow. Instead, I want to straddle himon the couch, devour his lips, run my fingers through his hair, and feel his hands on my body.
Fuck. I’mthis closeto taking Chelsi’s advice and jumping him after only twelve hours. How am I going to survive weeks of this? Months? How long do Iwantto wait? My body is screaming while my brain is urging me to be logical.
“Would it help to talk about last night? I know you need time to think through all of this. Probably make a pros and cons list.” Little does he know, I’ve already mentally started one. His finger traces along my jawline, causing my breath to hitch and a tingle to spread to my core. “I’m also fine if you don’t want to talk about it for a while. Until you’re ready. I’ll do whatever you want.” He leans in, his nose grazing my cheek. “Just know this…I’m going to pursue the hell out of you. Show you every fucking day how you deserve to be treated. Prove that we’ll be perfect together. Make it impossible for you to imagine spending your life with anyone but me.”
Hot damn. Did he just… Oh my God, he did. He’s talking about us as endgame. Is it possible to be excited and want to throw up at the same time? How can he be so sure this is what he wants? My body clearly wants him; my heart is scared shitless. He’s never had a long-term relationship or been in love. What if this is only a temporary, fleeting feeling brought on by grief? Our proximity? What if his feelings fade away once he goes back to his real life? Where would that leave me? I can’t fathom having my heart broken again this year. It’d be too much.
“You’re spiraling,” he whispers, his heated breath hitting my face. His minty mouthwash and his unmistakable woodsy scent with hints of orange blossom and velvety bourbon that permeates his skin and clothes. A combination I could drown myself in—one that makes me feel completely at home. “Talk to me, Kate. Please.”
“Okay.” I lean back into the couch, putting some distance between us to prevent myself from climbing him like a tree. “It’s hard to think clearly when your lips are that close to mine.”
