“Come on, Kate. Simple yes or no,” he teases, lightly pushing on my shoulder, rocking my body slightly. “Or does my lifestyle turn you off too much? You’d rather chance being alone than have someone who’s gone all the time?”
Fuck.
Is he for real about this?
I can’t tell whether he’s joking in an attempt to cheer me up today, or actually offering to marry me if no one else wants to.
Shit. That’s depressing.
I cover my face with my hands, refusing to acknowledge the pity he must feel for me. Tears start to fall, and my already broken heart cracks open even further as a soft sob escapes. This has nothing to do with Brian and everything to do with my deep-rooted decades-long insecurity about feeling unloved.
Jake gently pulls my hands from my face and wipes away a stray tear. “I didn’t want to make you cry. Never thought the idea of marrying me would cause a woman to cryunhappytears.”
I chuckle, dabbing at my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “It’s not you. It’s me. I worry about never finding anyone to love me.”
“You’re incredible. You’ll be beating men away with a stick when you’re ready,” he reassures me, taking my hand in his. “You’re the type of woman any man would be lucky to have.”
I scoff. “Anyone but Brian,” I mutter.
Jake clenches his jaw, narrows his eyes, and scrunches his forehead. “That asshole doesn’t know what an amazing woman he had. Didn’t fucking deserve you or treat you like the queen you are.” He lifts my chin with his finger to meet his gaze. “What does Ariana Grande say, ‘Thank you, next.’” A smirk spreads across his face, practically begging me to pat him on the back for his pop reference.
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Logically, I get what you’re saying. It makes sense to the part of my brain that loves spreadsheets.” I pull away from him and lean against the couch cushion. “The emotional part of me struggles with feeling unworthy and unlovable. It’s the way I’ve felt for most of my life.” I bury my head in my hands again, desperately wanting to hide after sharing my biggest vulnerability.
He exhales deeply, moving closer until his warm breath brushes against my face. “You’re more than worthy. Most people aren’t worthy ofyou.” He bends forward, uncovering my face and peering deeply into my eyes. “Don’t let bullshit from other people diminish your light.”
Before I can respond, he places a light kiss on my forehead, and my body tingles at the connection. My heart races as I look deep into his eyes. There’s a hint of something inside him that I haven’t seen before and can’t describe, making me feel things I don’t understand.
Like he sees me differently than before.
Like he sees me differently than everyone else.
thirty-two
“Do I have to go in?”I whine, leaning against the passenger seat of Jake’s truck.
“Nope. I can take you home, then come back to have lunch with your mom by myself if you need another day before you talk to her,” Jake replies, turning his head to look at me. “But you are going to have to tell her at some point. Or we’re going to need to come up with a better lie than you being sick because that will only buy us so long before she’s going to demand to see you on video.”
“I know,” I groan, desperately wanting to get out of this. She’s going to lose her shit when she finds out I ended my engagement with Brian. Jake’s been a lifesaver, visiting her for the past two days on his own. “And, technically, Iwassick.”
“How could I forget? The dreaded aftereffects of too much candy and Smirnoff Ice.” He laughs, tossing his head back as the sunlight hits his sandy-blond hair, making it glisten. “Assuming you’re serious about never drinking Smirnoff again, I won’t have to worry about losing to you at Monopoly in the future.” He winks at me, sending a wave of heat through me.
I clutch my stomach, just the mention of Smirnoff Ice makes me nauseous. “It’s too soon to talk about that.”
His eyes soften. “And you’re delaying the inevitable. We should go in there and get this over with.”
I nod, knowing he’s right while wanting to find any excuse not to walk inside the rehab facility today.
“You can do this. I’ll be right by your side the entire time.” He reaches over, taking my hand in his. “Plus, she can’t go too ballistic with me there. She has to keep up appearances.” His eyebrows arch. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
“Fine,” I agree, closing my eyes and then opening them before getting out of his truck and following him inside.
Each step toward my mom’s room increases the dread building inside me. This conversation will be a disaster, no matter how I break the news to her. She’ll view this decision as a huge mistake, claiming I’ll regret it one day. Her adoration of Brian will overshadow any concerns I share with her about our relationship. Hell, I think she might actually like him more than she likes me.
“It’s going to be okay, Kate,” Jake whispers in my ear, his breathing warm on my face. “I won’t let her tear you down.” He takes a step away and holds out his hand.
I exhale deeply one more time and then take his hand, and we walk into the room together.
“Glad to see you’re well enough to visit, Katherine,” Mom says, sitting in her navy-blue recliner, a tray table next to her. “I was starting to get worried about you.”
