I groan, knowing I’m not getting out of talking about this. His stubbornness rivals my own. “It’s nothing. Brian’s out of town, golfing with friends. It took me by surprise.” I continue drinking my coffee and take a large bite of my croissant, hoping my answer will cause him to drop this inquisition.
Shifting his body weight in the chair, his face tenses into a growing scowl; he’s unlikely to let this go anytime soon. “What do you mean he’s golfing? I thought he was too busy to do anything but work.” Jake’s eyes are laser-focused, like he knows there is more to the story. Like he might see straight through to my soul and the battle raging inside.
There are two ways this conversation can go: I share my innermost thoughts and fears about what’s happening in myrelationship with Brian, or I pretend it’s not a big deal and everything is fine. It doesn’t take me more than a second to pick the latter option.
“It’s not a big deal. He needs to blow off steam from work and get away from the Chicago winter. He forgot to mention it, so I was surprised to find out he was in Florida. That’s all.” I shrug as the muscles in his jaw flex, allowing a brief moment of silence between us. “Seriously. It’s fine. Let’s focus on what you have planned for the day. You know how much I hate surprises.”
“If you say so.” He breaks eye contact and turns his head away, giving both of us a reprieve from the awkwardness of the conversation. When he locks eyes with me again, his scowl has disappeared, replaced by a mischievous grin. “Before I tell you, remember you agreed to do it. No exceptions.”
“Uh-huh. Can you please tell me?”
“Only because you asked nicely,” he says, his smile growing, accentuating his dimples. “We’re getting dirty. It’s time to unleash your need for speed. We’re going ATV riding, like the old days.” He leans farther back in his chair, folding his arms and lookingveryproud of himself.
He can’t be serious. It’s the middle of winter. It’s been years since I’ve done anything like that. “I’m not sure it’s the best idea?—”
“No exceptions. Grab a pair of boots and meet me in the truck. We’re going to have so much fun.” His eyes linger intently on me before he stands and walks out of the room, completely confident I’ll follow him and that today will be a blast.
“I’m not sure about this,” I say nervously, biting my lower lip as I sit on the back of the ATV, my arms wrapped tightly aroundJake. The brisk winter wind seeps into my bones, breaking through the multiple layers of clothes I’m wearing. I shiver, knowing the cold will only get worse once we start moving. “I haven’t been on an ATV in years.”
“Don’t worry. I got you. You’ll be begging for me to go faster in no time.” He chuckles, convinced I’m going to eat my words. “Hold on tight. We’re going to relive our glory days.”
I squeal the moment he takes off, the motor vibrating underneath me as I tighten my grip around his waist. We zigzag across an empty field before he heads toward one of the trails we frequented as kids. Memories of leading a caravan of our friends on ATVs sweep over me. How can events that happened almost two decades ago feel like they were just yesterday? Time is a weird vortex when you’re an adult. One minute, you’re a teenager, racing your friends through the woods on an ATV, and the next, you’re in your mid-thirties, questioning whether your fiancé is the person you should marry.
Where did that thought come from?And why am I not dismissing it as ridiculous?
“How are you holding up? Ready to start climbing some hills?” Jake asks through the two-way radio in our helmets.
He’s toying with me. He knows it’s a rhetorical question and that I’m loving this. Dying to go faster. To feel my stomach dip when we climb a hill fast. To get lost in the adventure. Let go of the outside world and Brian-related stress for a few minutes.
“It’s about time you stopped driving so slowly. I almost took a nap back here,” I say playfully, trying to get a rise out of him. He mutters something under his breath, takes a swift left turn, and starts accelerating. “Glad to see you’re done driving, Miss Daisy. Let me know if you need me to show you how it’s done.”
His laughter shakes his entire chest against me, enveloping me in the growing heat of our close bodies. Picking up speed, he expertly drives us through trails that he hasn’t been on indecades but still knows like the back of his hand. My mind instantly clears. All I can feel is the cold winter air hitting my exposed skin. The heat from the ATV engine warms my legs. The smell of the fresh, crisp air, mixed with his woodsy scent, with a hint of orange blossom and warm, velvety bourbon.
It smells like—home.
I lean my head against his shoulder, trying to remember the last time I felt this safe and protected. It must have been before my dad left. I gasp as the memory of him walking out on us floods my mind.
For some reason, I wasn’t enough for him to stay.
It’s why I push myself so hard. Agree to do what others want. Avoid confrontation.
Prove my worth. Earn their love.
Ensure no one else leaves me, too.
“Are you okay back there? I can feel your heart pounding,” Jake asks, his voice full of concern.
“I’m…I’m fine. An old memory of the day my dad moved out popped into my mind. Brought up some emotions I thought I had dealt with.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s all so complicated.” I let out a deep breath, pulling myself closer to Jake until there’s no space between us. “I still don’t know why he left. Why he never wanted to see me again. My mom blamed me?—”
The ATV comes to a complete stop.
“Nope. Whatever your mom said about it is bullshit. You were a kid. They were the adults. Everything that happened is because oftheiractions,not yours. Please tell me you know that.”
A charged silence passes between us.
