“Try me.”
“Do you want to know about the shitstorm that is my life? About how much I hate myself for everything that’s happened?” He gazes directly at me with such pain in his eyes that I lose my breath.
“Yes. I want to know all of it.”
“I don’t know where to begin.” He takes another swig before putting the bottle on the coffee table and leaning into the couch with a deep sigh.
“Start at the beginning. How are you feeling?”
“Life fucking sucks. I’ve lost both my parents. I don’t have any siblings. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to one,” he says, tension bracketing his mouth. “And we haven’t talked or seen each other in forever.”
“That’s—”
“All my fault. You don’t have to tell me.Everythingis my fucking fault.” He hangs his head in his hands.
“What happened to your mom isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have prevented the accident.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about everything else.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve been so focused on my career that I haven’t been home in years. I barely spoke to my mom. You and I lost touch forever ago, and I did nothing about it. Now I’m wondering if the career I chased was worth it.”
“You’re too hard on yourself. People change. I’m not the same person I was in high school, and neither are you. No one is, or at least they shouldn't be,” I say, grabbing his hand. “You did the best you could. Your mom knew how much you loved her.”
“But was it enough?” He sighs loudly. “All of our friends from have settled down. You’re getting married to Brian, who is practically a saint, according to your mom. She might be more in love with him than you are.” He chuckles and takes another drink. “Meanwhile, my longest relationship lasted a couple of months, and that timeline is generous.”
“Everyone moves at their own speed. It took me a long time to find Brian. Perhaps you’ll have better luck if you date someone closer to your age.”
He laughs and looks at me. “You may not be wrong. But the heart wants what the heart wants.”
“I don’t think it’s your heart that is making those decisions,” I tease.
He lightly punches me on the arm. “You’re not wrong. It’s always had a mind of its own.”
“Tell me about it. I remember the hearts you broke growing up. They’d all come to me, begging to make you give them a second chance.”
“Perhaps it’s time for a change. Losing my mom is making me question everything. I don’t want to be alone forever,” Jake whispers, resting his head on my shoulder.
thirteen
“Haveyou sent out the save-the-date cards?” Mom asks, sitting upright in her hospital bed, staring at me while Jake leans against a wall near the window. “You need to give people plenty of notice. It’s rude to spring it on them.”
“I know, Mom. It’s on my list.” I avert my eyes from her, attempting to control the rage building inside me about the stupid cards. I’m about to do something drastic, like sending them out via email if I get asked about them one more time. I can only imagine the reaction I’d get from my mom and Brian’s mom if I dared to be so tacky. I let out a deep sigh, recognizing that, as much as I want to lash out, I won’t. “I’ll work on getting the list finalized and choosing a design in the next week.”
“What exactly have you done for the wedding? It’s been two months since you got engaged,” she says disapprovingly, cutting me down with her eyes, like she did when I was a child. The look that makes me feel guilty for letting her down. The one I’ve seen countless times.
“Well, I?—”
“Deborah, have you seen the massive wedding planning spreadsheet that Kate has? I’ve hosted large-scale events in mycareer, and I’ve never seen anyone as organized as Kate,” Jake says calmly, locking eyes with my mom and sitting down in a chair.
“No. She hasn’t shared that with me.” Her forehead creases, and she looks bewildered, almost like she can’t believe I’m worthy of such a compliment.
“Has she mentioned the huge account she landed at work this month? Pretty sure they picked Kate’s agency solely because they wanted to work with Kate and her team. From what I’ve heard, she’s considered one of the rising stars in the industry,” Jake says confidently, grinning from ear to ear as he maintains direct eye contact with my mom.
“I wasn’t aware,” Mom replies coolly, straightening her blanket and avoiding my gaze. “I’m…I’m glad to hear that Kate is doing well at work.”
“We’re definitely lucky to have Kate in our lives.” Jake turns his head toward me and winks.
