We hold each other for several minutes before he starts to pull away, wiping away tears as his posture stiffens. He’s retreating into himself. He’s never been good at showing emotion. The same thing happened when he lost his dad, but I won’t let him do it again.
“Don’t do this, Jake. Don’t go to that dark place. It’s not healthy,” I beg. Not that I’m one to talk, considering I’ve forced most of my feelings into a box for the last day. Actually, most of my life.
“I’m trying not to, but…it fucking hurts,” he says as his eyes shimmer with tears. He stands and paces around the living room like a caged tiger that wants to break free.
“Talk to me. Let me in,” I plead.
“I don’t know what to say,” he replies, hanging his head and rubbing his eyes. “When I saw the missed calls from my mom’s number, I thought she was calling to update me on something dumb. Another silly piece of town gossip. I never imagined it would bethis. Not even when I heard your voicemails and saw your texts.”
“None of us saw it coming.”
“What do I do? How do I attempt to go on with my life?” he asks, staring at me with bloodshot eyes, as if I have the magical answer or know how to easily eliminate his pain and make it all better. What I wouldn’t give to be able to do that for him.
“We’ll figure it out. Together.” All my animosity toward Jake vanishes. The hurt and anger he caused in the past dissipates. At least, for now. All I care about is getting him through this. Helping him find a way to survive the next few days. Find a new normal.
“I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks.” He sighs, tugging at his wavy strands before collapsing onto the couch. He rests his head in his hands and takes a deep breath. “This is the first time I’ve been home in years. I’ve been so busy with work… I didn’t have the time.” He lowers his head and takes a deep breath. “Nevermadethe time. Now it’s too late.”
“You were her entire world,” I say, earnestly, staring at his profile and reaching for his hand again. “She knew you loved her. That’s what you have to hold onto.”
“I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, and the entire world is crashing down on me.” He lifts his head out of his hands, and his brow crumples. “I can’t go inside her house. Not without her there. Can I… Do you mind if I stay here?”
Jake wants to stay here.
With me.
In the same house.
I wouldn’t have thought twice if this were fifteen years ago, when he’d regularly spend the night in the guest room. Now he’s practically a stranger. Not to mention, I’m engaged. I have no idea how Brian would react to another man staying in the same house as me. Not that anything would ever happen between Jake and me.
Only a horrible person with zero sympathy would tell him no.
I’ll have to ignore the awkwardness of having him around tonight and the next few days. It’s not like he’ll stay in town very long.
“Of course,” I say, squeezing his hand again. “This has been your second home. You’re always welcome here.”
The doorbell rings, and I frown briefly until I remember my pizza delivery. It’s well past the thirty-minute window, but at least we’ll have something to eat. Although I doubt either of us is hungry after this conversation.
“That’s my pizza if you want some. You can stay in the guest room. Tomorrow, we can visit my mom. She’ll be glad to see you,” I say, my eyes filling again with sorrow.
“Okay.” He nods, rubbing his chest again. His steel-blue eyes search my face, like he’s trying to read my mind.
“I’m glad you told me the news rather than someone I don’t know. It was going to hurt either way, but it’s better having you here, knowing you’ll be by my side like last time. I don’t think I can handle this without you.”
“I’m always here for you, Jake,” I whisper.
eight
Sittingbeside Jake in his rental truck transports me back to high school, and the countless hours I played passenger princess. He’d drive around on the country roads aimlessly, the windows down, while we listened to music, often losing track of time and causing me to miss curfew. Other times, we would head out to a lake in the middle of nowhere and sit on his truck bed, our legs hanging over the side, contemplating escaping this town.
Or we’d dissect his love life.
Almost every girl in school thought he was “the one,” so he had a never-ending rotation of wannabe girlfriends who rarely lasted more than a few weeks. Without trying, he’d make them fall madly in love with him, only to break their hearts because he refused to be tied down. That’s when I’d come in.
As his best friend, the ladies pleaded for my help to get a second chance. There’d be a plethora of tears that transitioned into begging, eventually followed by anger when I told them Jake didn’t listen to anyone when it came to his love life. He was a wild horse who couldn’t be tamed, no matter how hard they tried.
He had big plans to get out of this town.
“Hey, Kitty Kat… We’re here. Earth to Kitty Kat,” he says, tapping my upper thigh with his hand.
