The people who make me feel like more than just an athlete.
My mind spins faster with every cloud we pass.
What if I left, and she wouldn’t even care?
What if she does?
I press a hand to my face, groaning quietly.
It isn’t just about Tilly.
It’s everything about all of it, all of the days I felt like crap and could just go to the apartment and find comfort in them.
Now I’m supposed to pick between my dream and my home.
Between who I am and who I want to be.
I feel sick thinking about how Tilly came to me and told me her biggest struggles.
As much as I want to, I can’t stop thinking about that day.
If I weren’t there, there’s a high chance she would still be abusing herself.
I feel like I’m living in one of those movies Tilly likes watching that makes her cry.
Pure horror.
Tilly, guess what?
You thought everything would be fine, and I told you it wouldn’t.
Here we are, back in square one.
You thought that he could just fall in love with you and you would have a happy ever after?
You are more pathetic than I thought.
I warned you the crash would be painful, but you just had to experience the high.
That’s happiness for you.
It’s there until it isn’t, and guess what?
Joy is ever there for you. Because just like we recited every night, and will be reciting for the next thousands of weeks, is that you don’t deserve it.
Why?
Because everything you touch turns miserable.
Why do you think you royally mess up each meal you make?
Why do you think your outfits never look good?
Why do you think makeup never looks so glowy on you?
Everything you touch becomes horrible.
Your touch is a toxic, disgusting feeling that ruins everything good.
