It doesn’t mean anything.
Except, it feels like something.
My chest tightens, and I try to stretch my shoulders back.
It gets hot suddenly.
“Stop fidgeting,” Yana mumbles, blending highlighter.
“Sorry.” My voice comes out thinner than I wanted.
My head is replaying all those moments, and it won’t stop.
I feel like a broken toy. I want to hit my head like you would a CD to make it function properly.
The memories keep replaying, and my vision blurs.
It looks like a movie, zooming in on one person.
I shake my head.
This is wrong, wrong, wrong.
So why is my heart screaming right!
Why is my heart screaming anything, period?
Last time I checked, my heart stays silent while my mind takes control.
So why is my mind playing tricks?!
Once my vision clears, I see my reflection. My eyes look blurry, and my face is red.
I feel a tiny flutter in my stomach.
I feel it in my bones as well.
I am aware of my heart, in a good way.
I know it’s there and I can feel it… blooming?
My heart is pulling me down a path I never saw before. A path I somehow knew was always next to my path, but I was always oblivious to it.
The path is one I have never taken before, because my brain is always in control.
So what changed?
I look at Yana and feel a sudden urge to throw up.
Oh no.
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope.
I press my palms into my thighs, trying to ground myself.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
