I step in and sit on his desk chair, trying to keep my hands from shaking.
“Let me say something before you do.”
I nod.
“I’m not even sure what I was thinking,” he looks at his hands.
For some reason, I wish he were looking at me.
“I needed advice. That message was supposed to go to Matt, not you. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I didn’t mean any of it. I meant every word. Every single one. I just—” he swallows, the pain visible in his eyes. “I didn’t mean foryouto find out. You don’t deserve anI don’t know.”
“Luca…”
He rubs his face. “I’m so sorry, Tills.” His eyes are locked on mine, every emotion that can’t be said out loud pouring out of him in waves. “I don’t want to mess this up.”
The silence stretches until I can’t handle it anymore.
“I know this is messy,” I can hear my voice tremble. “And I don’t want to lie just to make it easier. You’re one of my favorite people, Luca, and I love you so much, but not in that way. I–”
I can feel the tears slipping out, as much as I try to stop them. “I’m only nineteen, and I need time to learn about myself. I feel like I just spawned into the world, and I need time to discover my passions and what I’m capable of by myself, without anyone to lean on.”
“No, I get it, you shouldn't feel bad for this at all. I just feel like an idiot.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” I say quickly. “But I need you to stop shutting everyone out. You’ve been distant and quiet, and honestly?”
I gut up and sit next to him. “I miss you, Luca.”
He pulls me into a hug, and I let my tears fall.
I don’t know why I’m crying.
“I promise I’ll come back to you.” He pulls away, wiping my tears. “But when I do, remember—you asked for it.”
“This doesn’t change anything between us, right?” I mumble into his shirt.
“Hell no.” He grabs my waist and picks me up. “You’re still pretty, Tilly, and I’m still funny, extraordinary, amazing, extremely hot–”
I get up. “Alright, alright, need any more ego boost?”
“That would be nice, yeah.”
“See you later,Dreamerboy.
He laughs.
Thank God.
Chapter 6
Luca
I have no idea what to make out of yesterday.
I feel weird, but also… happy.
This kind of peace has been poured over my body, and I feel absolutely fine.
Tilly is not ready for a relationship.
