But he would try.
Adhlas as his witness, Kai would try for all he was worth. He would stay with her all night if he had to. And perhaps that was precisely what he did; time meant little to him as he stood there, holding her together as grief did its best to tear her apart. At some point, he noticed that her shoulders had stilled, her breathing finally slowing, but the weight of her remained slumped against him. She had, he knew, thoroughly exhausted herself—she was no longer crying, but she hadn’t bothered to pull away, and Kai allowed himself one shameful, selfish moment to bask in the way she fit against him. To enjoy holding her just because shewantedto be held.
“I’m sorry,” Adeline breathed again, the words muffled where she’d pressed her face against his chest.
“No,” said Kai.
“No?”
She looked up at him, brows tugging together in confusion. Her eyes were still damp, lashes shimmering in the low light, and when Kai brushed his thumbs across her cheek to smooth away the tear tracks, he tried not to notice the way her lips parted around a shaky breath.
He shook his head, stilted.
“Don’t apologise, Adeline. Not to me. Iwantto be here for you, alright? I always will, even if we’re—”
Kai cut himself off. Now was not the moment.
But Adeline’s brows just rose further. Her hands were still flat against his back.
“If we’re …?” she pressed, and then, so softly he could almost believe he’d imagined it; “If we’re what, Kai?”
He cursed himself. This was not why he’d come out here; he would not make her do this, not right now. But she was gazing up at him so intently, the look in her eyes expectant and wary, and Kai imagined, somewhat … hopeful.
“I want to be here for you,” he said carefully, “no matter what has changed. No matter who we are to each other.”
Her expression sent a hairline crack down the centre of his chest, a bolt of pain racing in its wake. He could not guess what his own face did in response, but her hands released his back and circled to grab urgently at his shirt as though he might try to back away.
“Kai,” she said quickly, almost desperately. “We’re—”
“You don’t have to,” he cut in. He wished his voice were not so hoarse. He wished it didn’t hurt to look at her. He wished he could reel the last few seconds back and just hold his damnedtongue like he’d meant to. Yet, he couldn’t seem to do that, even now—the words simply surged up his throat, tight and low as though even his body strained to contain them; “Just tell me it’s not over.”
Damn it all, he didn’t want to hear this, he didn’t—
“It’s not.”
It’s—
Kai blinked, certain he’d misheard until she said again, slower now, “It’s not over. I don’t want it to be over.”
Not over. He wanted to ask what that meant, but he was already so angry with himself for coaxing this much from her before she was ready. And, Mother damn him, already so intensely relieved that she’d given him anything at all.
“Kai,” she said softly, to his silence.
He swallowed hard and watched as her eyelashes bobbed, the warmth of her gaze tracing his throat. Her full bottom lip rolled between her teeth, and he hadn’t a hope of stringing a coherent thought together.
“I’m going to kiss you.”
It was more warning than request; unless she stopped him, hewasgoing to kiss her. He had to. It was a powerful, painful compulsion. His voice had dropped far too low, and Adeline’s breath faltered at the sound, the soft swell of her chest stuttering against his own. He could not say which of them had pressed closer.
“Then kiss me.”
Kai’s breath audibly shuddered out of him; it should have been embarrassing. But he bowed his head, Adeline’s lashes flutteringas he drew near, and when their lips met, her slight, relieved sigh might have been his eternal undoing. It was a relief to him, too; more than that first breath of air after centuries in the stale ice. More than sinking into the warmth of the Laune, feeling the ancient waters rush past his gills and imbue his blood with magic.
To kiss Adeline was tobreathe, and the Mother knew he’d been breathless.
Now he drowned all too willingly, in this kiss that was so slow yet so deliberate, both of them moving as though they held something fragile between them that might shatter with one wrong move. Carefully, Kai spread his fingers at the base of her throat, felt the hum of her muffled sigh beneath his palm as his hand travelled up to cup her jaw.
He wanted to taste that sound, drink it down like the floral wine still on his tongue. It would be just as sweet, he knew, and infinitely harder to resist. He tilted her head so he could part her lips, and she melted all at once, hands flat on his chest, then twisting in the thin fabric of his Dhaliaan tunic as though he was all that held her to the ground. And when she pushed to her toes, bracing her hands on his shoulders as she slid her tongue past his bottom lip,Adhlas, he had little hope of anchoring either one of them. His arm was a vice around her waist, and hauling her close, he turned them to the balcony’s edge until he had her framed against the balustrade between his arms.
