“You are too,” said Adeline, too quietly.
“Am I?”
Mother help him, he’d made such a shambles of this night. It had seemed like the right time when he’d woken that morning; moods were high, they were both dressed in finery and had spent the day surrounded by loved ones and celebrations. Adeline had called little flowers to her hand and woven them into her curls, bluebells to match her gauzy blue dress; she was radiant. Even the setting was perfect; between her home and his, staring out at the lake’s surface rippling like silk. The shimmer of light on water, and the slow spread of gold down the centre of the Laune as the sun began to tuck itself into the distant horizon.
He could not have asked for a better view, a better moment.
And here he was, fumbling it.
“You are,” said Adeline. “And I think I know why.”
Adhlas.
“It’s because of Os, isn’t it?”
At the very least, the shock served to still his thrumming nerves, and Kai found it in himself to peel back and meet her eye.
“Os?”
Adeline bit her lip.
“When we were waving goodbye to Ceri and Al, you did that thing you do. That thinking thing, where you’re arguing with yourself. You told me once that it’s not alwaysyourvoice you hear. It’s Os.”
Kai could only nod. It was true. His cousin spoke to him constantly, and he’d heard him clear as day as they stood and celebrated the Merrow’s homecoming.
“What was he saying?”
Kai exhaled the tension, yet still his words shook on the way out.
“Something he told me back in Dhalias. That I’d be relieved to have the choice taken from me; that I’d be happy to finally live the fairytale.”
Adeline’s face fell for only a moment; it was revived, almost at once, by a fierce light in her eyes. She pulled back and shifted to her knees, taking his face in both her hands as though there was a chance he would ever want to look anywhere else.
“You have had to make so many difficult decisions, Kai. You’ve put everyone before yourself, time and time again. Ofcourseyou’re relieved, to have your sacrifices pay off. To have all those people safe and happy. Ofcourseyou’re relieved to have the burden of choice distributed a little. You’re one person. One wonderful, selfless person, who will forever look out for those who need him—but who needs a little help, as we all do.”
Kai’s chest felt heavy; a comforting weight. A warmth, the same warmth she always inspired. This wasn’t the way he’d meant for this to go, but the detour only served to prove how much he wanted this. How much he wanted her.
“And maybe it was a criticism, when he said it,” she went on. “When the future was uncertain, and we were all angry and scared. But I can’t imagine he’d look at where we are now and have any complaints. Can you?”
“This isOs,” said Kai, with a wry smile. “He’d have found something to complain about.”
But the observation was a light one, borne of nothing but gratitude. Os had protected him all his life; for as little as they may have seen eye to eye, they’d wanted the same thing. Kai might never shake the guilt he felt, but neither did hewantto.He owed Os his happiness, but a part of him knew he owed him his regret too. Os had beenright, and Kai knew him well enough to know that such a victory would have delighted him to no end.
Adeline was right too, of course.
His cousin had loved him in the stern and stoic way that only Oswalt could; he wouldn’t have seen him shackled to a throne for the sake of it, not if he’d know there was a better option for them all.
So Kai smiled, and turned his face to kiss Adeline’s palm.
“Thank you,” he said, and meant it.
Adeline stroked her hand through his hair, letting the waves fan through her fingers.
“You deserve to be happy, you know. You’ve been through enough stress for several lifetimes. It’s turning you grey, look.”
She tugged a dark lock into his eyeline so he could see the fine streak of white.
“I suppose I’m finally turning into the old man you’ve accused me of being all along.”
