“That’s what I told people, because I wanted to be right, but how could I not, deep down, believe you were gone? I hadn’t even gotten to see you face to face in ten fucking years!” She rose from her chair and paced back and forth before the fireplace, rubbing her hands over her upper arms. “Ten years, Lucky, ten years of not talking to you, not having you in my sons’ lives. Do you have any idea how badly I needed you? I needed my brother. My best friend. And you weren’t there, chose not to be.”
“I… I thought it was better for you and the boys.” Who in their right mind could have wanted him around, former trafficker and drug lord’s pet?
“There you go again thinking I can’t decide what’s best for me.” She stopped pacing and turned toward Lucky, throwing both hands up in the air. “And you wonder why I didn’t tell you about Jimmy.”
All those years Lucky had kept his distance, trying to keep his sister and nephews safe from his past, his reputation, from him. “I wasn’t the kind of person you’d want around your kids.”
“Again, how is that your decision to make? I loved my brother. Love him still, even when he’s a bonehead. Ever hear of unconditional love? Huh? It means no conditions, not ‘I love you, but…’ It means I love you no matter what. There’s nothing you could do or say that could change my mind, but Lucky? It’smymind.Mydecision.”
A frozen ice pick jabbed his heart. He’d done it. He’d hurt her. He hadn’t meant to, and yet, he had.
For all the years he’d carried the load of the past, she’d carried her own burdens. He’d only added to them. The full impact of his actions slammed home. What had he done? “You’ve waited years to say that, haven’t you?”
“I never planned to say anything out loud. You came back into my life, and I was thrilled. Nothing else mattered.” Charlotte collapsed onto the ottoman, head in her hands.
Lucky slid off the couch and knee walked to her. Would she allow him to even touch her? He put tentative arms around her in a sidewise hug, ready to back off if she flinched.
She didn’t flinch, just patted his hand where it lay on her shoulder.
All this time he’d believed he’d protected her, and he’d hurt her. Hurt her deep. “I’m sorry, Charlotte, I’m so, so sorry. I promised to be there for you, and I wasn’t.”
Sniff.“You could have been.”
Yes, he could have. He thought he’d been the only one to suffer all those years, that she was better off without him. He’d never felt so small in his life.
“After you married that…”
She held her hand up, cutting off his words. “Yes, I married an abusive sumbitch. That was my mistake to make too. I’ve learned.” Her glare said what she didn’t with words:That’s nothing compared to your fuckups.“Besides, I got two wonderful boys out of that relationship. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”
The gut-punch of truth nearly laid Lucky out. He wasn’t really angry at Jimmy, but hurt that Charlotte hadn’t confided in him. Hadn’t Lucky done the same to her, and worse? Kept secrets. Kept himself away from her.
One thing he had gotten right: she was too good for him.
After years of neglect, lost in self-pity, thinking he knew best for them both. Hell, he’d screwed his life up so badly, he had no right to think he’d run hers better than she could.
She’d done pretty good all by herself, raised two boys on her own, put her dreams on hold for them, and now she finally got the chance to think about herself, what she wanted.
He’d tried to fuck that up.
He kept the words inside about the stress of being with an agent, and how Jimmy’s picture could one day end up on the SNB’s memorial page.
Charlotte heard Bo and Lucky’s stories—the ones they shared with her, anyway. She understood the risks a badge brought. Hell, look what having a brother in drug enforcement nearly did to her.
Even though he knew Lucky objected, Jimmy had charged to her side the day she’d been attacked. Insisted she get checked out. Took Moose to the vet and stayed with him until the doctor finished surgery and placed the dog into a kennel. No, Lucky had no right to say who his sister could or couldn’t see. As much as he didn’t want to admit to the truth, she’d made a good choice in Jimmy. Sure, he’d had a little wobble in life, but nothing compared to Lucky’s.
Heart so heavy it might soon meet his ass, he said, “I’m sorry, Char. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She wiped at her face again with her hand and sniffled. “I know that. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
They sat in silence a few minutes. Both said, “I love you” at the same time. He hugged her tighter.
Maybe a dose of the truth might help. “He kicked my ass, you know.”
She released a watery laugh. “I know. Served you right.”
Yes, it did.
They held onto each other as Bo tiptoed through the front door, caught sight of them, and quietly slipped down the hall.
