“Why here?” Seth hoped Michael didn’t want to get back together. The more time he spent with Dustin, the more he realized how little he’d shared with Michael. He pictured the night he’d cried over his mother’s journal, how he’d wanted Dustin to magically appear and hold him. And Dustin would have too. Michael? Michael would have been uncomfortable, made excuses, and left at the first opportunity.
“Because you were the only one who ever told me the truth.” “What?”
“You never lied to me and you were always there when I needed you. No matter what I’d done, you’d talk to me. My sister thinks the breakup with Luther is all my fault. She’d been looking forward to having a rich brother-in-law. My so-called friends either laugh and say it serves me right or don’t have time for me. But you—even though I hurt you, here you are.”
Seth felt the need to clear the air. “I know you’re upset right now and grasping at straws, but what we had is over.”
Michael let out a sigh, staring out over the restaurant’s porch railing at the distant mountains. “I know that. I knew that a long time ago.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. You don’t see it, but you’ve built this wall, and part of it’s my fault. Every time I hurt you, you built it higher.”
“I didn’t do anything of the sort.”
“Every time we had an argument and I walked away, you let me go.”
“You had the right to do what you wanted. I couldn’t stop you.”
“Couldn’t or didn’t want to? I think you’re so used to people walking out of your life that you think that’s how things are supposed to be and you don’t try to change them. Just once, I’d have loved for you to have come after me.”
“What?”
Michael cracked a faint grin. “I wanted you to chase me. Is that so bad?”
Actually, given Seth’s recent experience with Junior, yes. His thoughts turned to Dustin. Maybe he should break down, call and at least say hello. It’d be the friendly thing to do. Especially since three guys named Joe were currently sawing, hammering, and possibly jackhammering in the kitchen, completing renovations at Dustin’s command.
Staring down at the table, Michael quietly confessed, “When I stood you up or you caught me in a lie, I wanted you to put me in my place. I need a firm hand, someone to keep me in line. When we first met, I told you about how Luther treated me, and you were pissed off. I think you even offered to fly to New York and give him a piece of your mind.” Michael gave Seth a dreamy sigh. “You were my knight in shining armor.” The smile fell. “The months went by, and you let me treat you however I wanted. So I did. I’m sorry now that I realize how badly I mistreated you. In my mind, if you didn’t like it, you’d tell me off. But you never did. I acted up to get your attention, like I would with Luther, yet when I ran away, you let me go. I’d come back, you’d let me. You should have slammed the door in my face, made me beg your forgiveness.” Michael stared down at his hands, watching a paper napkin turns to bits of shredded fluff in his fingers.
While grateful Michael hadn’t delivered an “I want you back” speech, hearing their relationship from Michael’s point of view made him cringe. In Seth’s opinion, he shouldn’t have to keep someone in line. He wanted someone he could trust to treat him like they wanted to be treated, not play some kind of dominance games. Studying the man across from him, as humble as Seth had ever seen him, he didn’t feel anger at their breakup, he felt… thankful? Apparently, Luther’s appalling behavior was something Michael needed, but with permanence. “Actually, you and I never stood a chance, did we?”
“I suppose not, and I’m really sorry. You’re a great guy and—” “You’d rather I be rich, older, powerful, and dominant?” Michael paused before answering, still not meeting Seth’s eyes. “Yes.”
“You also want to be won over by hearts and flowers, don’t you?” Michael gave him a hint of bashful smile. “Right again. See how well you know me?”
Seth’s phone vibrated, and he glanced down at the screen, hoping to see Dustin’s name. Damn, a realtor. Seth ignored the call. “This really is good barbeque,” Michael commented. Seth sighed in relief at the change of subject.
“I like it.”
Michael inhaled deeply, then let his breath out slowly. “I love the clean air. I don’t see how you’ll be able to leave this behind to go back to Chicago.”
“It’ll be hard.” Very hard. Maybe impossible.
Seth’s phone rang again, Junior this time. He let the call go to voice mail. The man probably wanted to know how Seth liked the latest flowers. He’d fed them to the Johnsons’ goat.
Seth swallowed a bite of potato salad and asked, “What are you going to do now?”
Michael shrugged. “I haven’t got a clue. I’m taking this week off to get my head together.” He reached across the table to lay his hand on Seth’s. “I appreciate you coming to talk with me. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better boyfriend, ’cause you deserve the best. There’s something else I need to say.”
Seth braced for the worst.
“All your life, you’ve let others tell you what to do—me, your overbearing grandmother, and you accepted whatever we dished out. Stop doing that. You’re too nice a guy to let others run your life. Trust yourself to make decisions and stand by them. If someone else doesn’t like it, too bad. Do what’s right for Seth.
“Also, the next guy you’re with? Don’t judge him by me. Let him in. But if he means something to you, don’t give him up without a fight. I wish I’d focused more onusinstead ofme, that I’d tried harder to meet you halfway. I missed my chance and I know that. I consider you my friend, a good friend, and I hope in time you’ll feel the same about me.”
Their talk turned to other things, and when they parted company, Seth held out his hand. Michael pulled him into a hug. “Thank you,” he said. “I don’t know where I’ll go and what I’ll do now, but wherever I am, you’ll have a friend.” He drove off in a rental car to who knew where.
The more Seth thought of Michael’s words, the more sense they made. He needed to stop letting other people call the shots. He needed to take control and stop letting life simply happen. But how did one change the habits of a lifetime? By taking chances. From the parking lot of the Pitted Pig, Seth made a phone call.
