“Open it.” The other box lay on the table, untouched. Would be Lucky’s luck to have given the wrong ring. He swallowed his nerves and forced himself to watch his partner snap the box open. After a million years, or maybe the longest minute in history, Bo rolled his eyes upward.
Even with all they’d been through, the misery in Bo’s eyes set a new record. He stroked the ring with one fingertip, cut his gaze to the other box, and swallowed loudly enough for Lucky to hear. “Why?”
“Why what?” Lucky’s heart hammered double-time.
“Why are you giving this to me now?”
Lucky ran his fingers through his hair. Still no perfect words came to mind. “You read the same stuff from the doctor’s office I did. You know what could happen.”
“Death is a rarity in these kinds of operations.”
“But it could happen.”
Bo hopped up and paced the room. “It could happen with any operation. Hell, I could walk out in front of a car. Either one of us might catch a bullet one day.”
Okay. Not going as planned. “That’s why we should make things official. So if anything happens to me you’re taken care of.”
“I’m on the mortgage. That’s what you worried about when we moved in together, right? That if something happened someone would try to take the house.”
“It’s more than that.” How had Lucky managed to screw this up so badly? “What if I’m incapa… incapatitate… whatever!” He threw both hands in the air.
“Incapacitated?”
“Yeah. What if I’m inca… incapate… Oh, hell. What you said. And can’t make my own decisions.” Bo could be trusted. Bristol? Not a snowball’s chance in Hell.
“We don’t have to get married. You can give me power of attorney.”
“I can?” Gee, why hadn’t someone clued Lucky in before? But… Legal mumbo-jumbo without the words “I do” fell short of his plans. He’d bought into Bo’s vision of the future. House. Car. Kids. Damn it, he wanted the whole white picket fence thing too. More than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.
With Bo.
It took every ounce of Lucky’s courage to throw himself on the sinking ship of dreams. “I still want to marry you. Will you?”
Bo closed his eyes and shut the box. “I’m sorry, Lucky, but I can’t.”
Chapter Seven
Somebody catch the motherfucking mule that just kicked the crap out of Lucky’s chest. No? Bo said no? “What do you mean you can’t? It’s legal now, even if some bigoted shitheads don’t like it.” His hands stopped listening to his commands and shook so hard he gripped the counter by his head to keep from toppling off his knees.
“Being legal’s got nothing to do with this.” Oh, for an appearance of The Dimple now.
“But you said you loved me. Wanted us to be together. To have a… family. For us to be a family. Together.” Family. More than Lucky deserved. He should have known his dreams were too good to be true. He didn’t deserve happy. Not after the shit ton of crap he’d done in his life.
Bo placed the ring box on the counter and took his time letting go. He dropped down onto his knees and took Lucky’s face between his palms. “Loving you has nothing to do with this.” A kiss took a bit of the sting out of rejection, but not much.
“Then what does?”
“Look at me.” He pulled Lucky’s head up until their eyes met. “If and when we decide to stand in front of our family and friends and pledge our lives to each other, I want it to be because we both want to. Not because one of us feels honor bound or afraid or anything else. Those aren’t good enough reasons.”
“But—”
“But nothing. When all this is over, if you still feel the same way, then we’ll talk. But no ring on my finger can make me love you any more than I already do. And if I have to say words for you to know I’ll always, always be here for you, then I’m not doing something right.” The next kiss lingered, Bo rubbing his lips against Lucky’s without trying to go farther.
For some reason, the simple contact of skin to skin felt more intimate than sex, cutting Lucky open and letting Bo get to the places inside he usually kept hidden behind a wall of bluster and bad temper.
The kiss gradually deepened. Lucky parted his lips and welcomed his partner’s tongue into his mouth, the taste of green tea and syrup. His partner. Not his husband.
One day. One day when Lucky didn’t have to search for words or wonder how to say them. When he wanted to marry Bo so badly he could get past his own self-doubts.
