“He won’t be with me if it means ruining my relationship with Dad. And my dad hasn’t spoken to me since he found us together.”
She winces. “I’m not going to lie; it’s not great.”
“See.” I look over at Max and he’s still occupied with my brother, starting another round of their game. “Even you know it’s bad and I haven’t really told anyone.”
“We’ll get back to you lying to your friends about who you were dating.”
“Not lying. I told you I was seeing someone. I just didn’t say who.”
“I can see why.”
I look down, picking at my chipped nail polish. God, everything hurts right now. All I want is to be with Sam. To go back to when all of us were at the carnival together and he won Max his giant tomato.
I confess the one thing that I hope my best friend will understand.
“I loved him, Rylee. I still do. It wasn’t just some fling. All I want is him.” I wipe a furious tear away. “What’s so wrong about wanting a life with the person you love?”
“Oh, Joey.” Rylee pulls me into her arms and it’s the last straw.
I break down. Big, heaving sobs rack my body. I wish I could stop it, but I can’t.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Max runs over, concern etched on his face.
“Sorry, sweetheart. Mommy misses someone. That’s all.”
“I don’t miss you because I’m here. I love you.” He wraps me in a hug and it goes a long way toward soothing my tattered soul.
“Not as much as I love you.”
He smells like dirt and the lingering smell of his soap from his bath. I breathe him in as I hug him, and Rylee hugs us both.
“Does anyone want ice cream? I feel like this could use some ice cream,” Chase says.
“I do! I do!” Max exclaims. “I want ice cream with sprinkles.”
“You got it, buddy. Come help me.”
Chase lifts him into his arms and carries him into the kitchen.
“Are you going to be okay?” Rylee asks, wiping my tears.
“Not right now, but eventually.”
Maybe. I hope at least. Because this feeling of a shattered heart clanking around in my chest is the worst feeling in the world. Having to pick myself up every day and be the best mom I can be for my son isn’t easy when I feel like this.
“It’ll get better, I promise.”
“Until then, there’s always candy.”
She laughs. “Maybe don’t binge all the candy. You don’t want to feel sick on top of it.”
“I’d hate for the bag I just bought to go to waste.”
“Do I need to go steal it from you? Give it to Max so you don’t eat it?”
I point a finger at her, laughing. “If you do, I’m disowning you. He does not need that much sugar.”
“You would never. Who else would be here to pick you up when you’re blue?”
