The petals in my hand suddenly flutter, and a few swirl around me. I jerk back, stunned, but quickly feel foolish. There wasn’t a breeze when I got here, but now there is. Of course it was just the wind. What else would it be?
I settle on the grass and shake my head, smiling at the headstone. “For a second, I thought you were trying to get my attention.”
In my mind’s eye, I see her tilting her head as if studying me, knowing there’s something on my mind that I’m not being forthcoming about.She never pushed me when I got in a mood. She never had to. The patience in her gaze, the love, the lack of judgment, that’s what always dragged it out of me.
“It’s been a while since I’ve visited. Too long. I guess I’ve had a lot going on,” I say quietly. “I don’t even know where to start. All I know is that I’ve made a total fucking mess of things.”
The grass is sun-warmed beneath me, and I can hear birds chirping in the trees close by. It’s comfortable here, and I start to relax. I hadn’t planned on staying. I only meant to stop by for a quick hello to ease my guilt over not having been here in so long, arrange the flowers, and then go back to my apartment. But now that I’m here, it’s a relief to be able to talk to Rachel. Although part of me is still apprehensive. I’ve never talked to her about another woman.
“I know you’d say that everything’s going to be okay, but my partners are going to fire me the minute I get back to the office. Or maybe just kill me, since I’m sure the Tisdales have called them by now to ask why I spoke to their daughter about the auction.
“I guess I could say I was trying to smooth things over after Blair overheard her dad discussing her arrangement with one of the matches, but Becker would see right through me. And I don’t want to lie. I’m actually shocked nobody’s tracked me down yet,given how bad things went down with Blair earlier. Maybe I should just start by telling you about her.”
My shoulders drop, and I take a breath. “So. Her name is Blair Tisdale. The day I met her, I was sitting on the beach, on the island. I was thinking about you. I was…lost. And then she was there with me, and she made me laugh, and it was like a ray of sunshine broke through all the dark clouds. Her laugh is a lot like yours, Ray. That’s what really made me notice her.”
Haltingly, I go over the events of the last few weeks, talking through the details, trying to figure out how it came to this and where it all went wrong. But there was no single, defining moment when I crossed a line. I fell for Blair in the little moments, letting her in almost without realizing it, until the way I felt about her suddenly hit me all at once. And by then, it was too late to stop it from happening.
“I know what you’d say, and yeah, I am an idiot,” I muse. “I never should have gotten involved with anyone. I just miss you so much. And something about her, about being with her, made me feel…just…alive again, for the first time in years. I couldn’t get enough of it. Of her.
“Now I have to face the consequences. I’m going to lose everything. I guess it’s what I deserve.”
A pair of hushed voices grow audible behind me. I look over my shoulder. An elderly woman and a little girl approach on the footpath, probably a grandmother with her granddaughter. The girl has a bouquet of bright yellow daffodils clenched tightly in one hand. They step off the path and make their way down a row of stones off to my left.
Turning back to Rachel, I keep my voice low. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to hear any of this. I just…I don’t know what to do.”
The wind settles, and I catch the sound of the little girl singing as she and her grandmother stand over a grave, the girl gently placing daffodils along the top edge of the headstone.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…” the girl sings, her voice sweet and clear.
“You make me happy, when skies are gray…” the grandmother joins in.
The back of my neck prickles at the words.
Oh. Fuck.
A lump wells in my throat.
Looking at the headstone, I take another long, deep breath. “I can’t let her go,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t lose her.”
And that’s when I realize…it wasn’t the business stuff holding me back. Because fuck the business. I can find another job. The Quattuor Group isn’t the most important thing in my life.
But I convinced myself that it was. And instead of pursuing a relationship with Blair, I let myself hide behind the fact that I had a conflict of interest, made it my excuse to push her away and break her heart. When the real reason I couldn’t give myself to her was because I was afraid of getting hurt again.
Sitting back on my heels, I hang my head and allow the grief to wash over me. Just then, the breeze picks up. A small whirlwind of leaves and detritus spirals beside me and the petals of Rachel’s roses fly everywhere. I close my eyes against the gust until it’s over. When I look down again, I see a yellow daffodil on the ground beside me.As bright and golden as sunshine.
Picking it up, I look over my shoulder for the grandmother and the little girl, but they’re gone.
Hitching a brow, I look at Rachel’s headstone again.
“Nice,” I say with a smile. “Is this your way of telling me to get her back?”
Silence is my answer, but I already know the truth in my heart. I stand up, leaving the daffodil on top of the headstone.
“Okay, okay. I’ll do it. I’ll find a way to fix this. Your record of always being right still stands.”
30
BLAIR
