I grip the phone tightly and glance at the ceiling, feeling suddenly terrible that I didn’t give Luka a heads-up. I’d thought about it, but I wasn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t raise his suspicion. We have an unspoken thing where we come and go as we please. Lately, neither of us has gone very far, and never overnight. He comes home every night and so do I.But maybe I’ll luck out and he won’t notice I’m missing until my plane is already in the air.
My phone chimes, and joy pumps through me when I see that it’s Mateo.
“Hey!” I’m so excited to speak to him. It feels like forever since we’ve caught up.
“Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. What’s going on? You sound stressed.”
Of course he knows how I’m feeling even though I’ve only said a single word. He knows me better than anyone…even Luka.
Aware of the people seated all around me, I lower my voice and turn toward the window for a measure of privacy. Below, I can see planes taxiing on the runway. “It’s the wedding. Well, not just that. I guess it’s everything.” I tell him about the photo shoot and the interview and how sneaky feelings are weaseling into my common sense.
He’s quiet, as if he knows I’m not quite done. “A part of me wants to call off the wedding,” I finally say. Dread floods me as I say the words out loud. “I don’t know what the right thing to do is.”
“Oh, Brookie, you’re never lacking on the drama lately, are you?”
“I never used to have any drama!” I exclaim.
“I know. You were so boring. And look at you now.”
I huff a little laugh. “Thanks…I think.”
Mateo sighs. “Look, I can’t tell you what to do. Emotions are just products of hormones. They come and go, you know? He’s being sweet and loving because it’s part of the game. Or maybe he’s really starting to fall for you. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because in a few years, it will all be over and you’re going to walk away with everything you ever wanted. Maybe you need to focus on that, on the reasons you agreed to this marriage in the first place.”
I take a deep breath through my nose as his words sink in. He’s sassy and full of himself, but Mateo is a surprising voice of reason. He’s right. No matter what I think I feel, no matter what lies ahead for me and Luka, I have to keep my eyes on the ultimate prize.
“Thanks, Mateo. I knew you could talk me down from the ledge.”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s what I’m here for.”
“You free tonight? I’ll be landing at LAX in about four hours.”
I laugh at his excited holler. In a rush of profanity and rambling sentences he hangs up, only to call me back a few minutes later, right before I board the plane. I can hardly keep up as he excitedly chats about the impromptu bachelorette party he just tossed together with some friends of ours who are in town, too. By the time I get to my seat, I’m genuinely excited to get to LA, despite the growing guilt that I didn’t mention it to Luka.
I try to rest during the flight and figure out what I’m going to tell him. He can’t know the real reason I’m going to California. No one can. Several possible scenarios play through my mind, but why make it complicated? All I have to say is that I wanted to get away and see my bestie. Even better, friends wanted to throw a very impetuous West Coast party for me since they couldn’t make it out to Chicago for the bachelorette party that Tori and Emzee had hosted, and how could I refuse? I’ll call him as soon as I land to explain. That should erase the guilt…I hope.
Mateo is waiting for me when I get out to the curb to stand in the taxi line, surprising me by being there. He whisks me off for a late lunch and then to his condo, and before I know it, we’ve been talking and laughing so much that Luka slips my mind and I never make the call.
Until my phone suddenly rings and all the excitement drains from my body. Mateo goes quiet and makes an exaggerated anxious face when he realizes who’s calling. Excusing myself, I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and answer the call.
“Hey,” I say cheerfully.
There’s a beat of silence that makes my chest hurt. Damn, I can’t believe I didn’t ward this off by calling him first. “Where are you, Brooklyn? It’s almost 10 p.m.”
I clear my throat and compose myself. “About that. So, Mateo decided to throw me averyimpromptu bachelorette party with some friends out in LA, so I got on a plane and—”
“You’re inLos Angeles.” His voice is hard, the tone rising just enough that I can feel his anger through the phone.
“I—yes, I am in Los Angeles.”
More silence and I imagine he’s clenching his jaw the way he does when he’s getting sudden emotions under control. Right now, I wish I was one of those people who didn’t feel guilty or anxious over anything. Both are tearing through me right now.
“WithMateo.” It’s not a question.
My cheeks go hot. “Yes.”
“I see.” His tone is even harder, with an edge I’ve never heard from him before. “Be honest with me, Brooklyn. Do you have something going on with him?”
Luka shocked me the other day when he expressed pride over the way I stood up to Heather. He’s done it again right now with the pure jealousy in his voice. He’s always been a little standoffish about my relationship with Mateo and I’ve never lied to him about our friendship being just that, friendship. I thought he’d come to accept it, but now, I’m not so sure.
