I stopped in the kitchen to chug a glass of water and then headed upstairs, my whole body vibrating with the exertion. But although I’d gotten my blood flowing, the agony of losing Stefan still remained just as strong. There was no running from the breakdown of my marriage.
Exhausted physically and mentally, I went back up to my bedroom, stripped off my clothes, and then shut myself in my bathroom for a good, long soak. I didn’t even wait for the water to fill the tub all the way before I climbed in, curling tight around myself and letting the hot water and bath salts do their work.
Once the water was a few inches from the lip of the bathtub, I turned off the taps and let myself sink into it. Grace was right; I needed to be kind to myself. There was no way I was going to have all the answers.
But I just couldn’t imagine my life without Stefan. He was the one I wanted to be with. The one I wanted to grow old with.
Leaning back, I let my tears fall. There was no point trying to fight them.
A few minutes later, I was all cried out. The heaviness in my chest had eased a little, and my muscles had relaxed in the steamy water. It felt good. I was about to get out of the tub when I heard a commotion downstairs. Someone banging on the front door, an exchange of voices. Had Michelle forgotten something? Was my father unexpectedly home early? I settled back in the tub, wrapped my arms around my knees, and tilted my head to listen.
There were footsteps on the stairs, and a moment later my bathroom door burst open.
It was Stefan, hair disheveled, out of breath, the picture of concern and anxiety.
“Tori.”
“Stefan—”
But he was already kneeling beside the tub, pulling me into his arms, heedless of the hot water and bubbles that were soaking his nice suit and spilling onto the floor.
“What are you doing here?” I said, letting him hold me. “Why did you come?”
We were sitting on the plush bath mat, my body naked and slick in Stefan’s embrace. It was almost like he was trying to wrap his entire body around me, and I leaned into him, inhaling the comforting scent of his cologne, not caring that I was probably ruining his shirt and his tie.
“Because you ran away from me, and I fucking need you.” His voice was angry and desperate. “Anywhere you go, I’ll follow. I love you.”
“But—” I started.
“Listen to me,” he said, easing his grip to look me in the eyes. “We might have been thrown together unwittingly for political reasons, just our fathers’ pawns in an arranged marriage, but I made those vows to you—not to Anja. You’re the one I want to be with.”
“How can you say that?” I murmured. “You married me before you even knew she was still alive. Now that she’s back, there’s not even a choice.”
“You’re right,” he said. “There isn’t a choice. There never was. Because between the two of you,I choose you. Nobody else. I don’t even need to think about it.”
“You haven’t given it a chance,” I insisted. “She’s the mother of your child. What if you’re giving up the best part of your life for me? The chance to be a family?”
“Youare my family, Tori. And I will always stay true to you, because I can’t imagine living a life without you,” he went on.
“I…I feel the same,” I admitted. “I don’t want to live without you. I want us to build a life. Together.”
“Good. Because I made my vows already, and I’m standing by them.” Searching my gaze, he took a deep breath. “Are you going to keep your vows too, for better or worse, and love me through thick and thin, ‘til death do us part?”
“Yes,” I said. “Of course I am.”
Stefan held me even tighter, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my neck, my shoulders, giving me goosebumps and sending a shock of hot tension straight between my legs.
“But what about Anja?” I asked, refusing to let myself be distracted. “You love her. She was your first…everything. You’ve been looking for her for all these years. How can you just walk away from that?”
He eased back and exhaled slowly.
“I wanted to know what happened to her, Tori. I needed closure. That was it. I haven’t loved her for years. We’re not the same people we used to be—I don’t even know her anymore.”
“You could know her,” I argued. “You haven’t even tried.”
“I knowyou.” He was breathing hard, worked up into a frenzy, and he slid a hand up to cup my cheek just like he always did. “Iloveyou. So stop fighting me. Stop fightingthis.”
“I love you, too,” I said, pulling him closer for a kiss.
