Something in his tone has the others backing away while Lindsey narrows her eyes at him. Unafraid, Sasha squats down and says, “My family is off limits to you or anyone else in this school. Do you understand?”
I share a quick shocked look with Ev and Niki, and I have to remind myself that Sasha is only seven. At home, he goofs around like the rest of us, but sometimes, like right now, he seems so much older, like he knows something the rest of us don’t.
“Do you?” he asks again when Lindsey hesitates.
“Yeah, fine,” she says, glancing over at me with a look that makes it abundantly clear I didn’t make any friends today. Idon’t care. I don’t have any interest in being her friend. I just don’t want to be called dumb anymore.
When Sasha steps back, she stands up, wiping the dirt from her skirt. Before she walks off, she mutters a quick, “Your family is so weird.”
Mia looks up at her brother. “You should’ve let me hit her.”
He ruffles her hair and says, “Next time, little witch.” Stopping in front of us, he gives me a grin and gently punches my shoulder. “If anyone ever bothers you again, you tell me, and I’ll take care of it.” He stops to look at Ev and Niki and then his little sister. “That goes for all of you. No one messes with our family. No one.”
I don’t want Sasha to think he has to fight my battles, but I also know that right now he’s the only one who can. I’m not strong enough yet, and something tells me I’ll never have what it takes to push a girl down on the playground. I’ll make sure I can defend myself, though. My dad and uncles will teach me to fight, and one day I won’t need Sasha’s help.
Knowing I’ll be able to take care of myself one day doesn’t stop me from voicing my fear to the people I trust most. “What if she’s right?”
“She’s not right,” Niki quickly says while the others nod in agreement.
“Then why can’t I read like the rest of you?” I ask. “Why am I the only one who can’t figure it out?”
None of them have an answer for that, but it’s Ev who says, “I don’t know, but you’re not stupid, Damien. I do know that.”
“Yeah,” Mia says. “We’d tell you if you were. You just have trouble with the letters. You’ll figure it out, and until then, we’ll all help you.”
“Yeah,” Niki agrees. “Sasha can help you in class, and we can all help with homework and stuff.”
“Luka’s been helping me,” I say.
“Well, we’ll take turns then,” Ev says. “No one else will have to know. It’ll be our secret.”
“We take care of each other,” Sasha says. “We’re family. Remember?”
“Yeah, I remember,” I say. I know he’s right, and I know I’d do the same for them. Our dads have been drilling it into our heads since we were born that family is everything. It doesn’t mean I enjoy having to be the one who needs rescuing, though.
When we hear the whistle that marks the end of recess, Sasha and I say bye to the others before heading back to our own class. Before we go inside, he leans closer and says, “There’s nothing wrong with you, Damien. I think your brain just works differently than everybody else’s. If you’re born like that, then it’s not your fault, right?”
I think about what he’s said and then meet his eyes. He’s waiting for my answer, and when I say, “No, I guess not,” his shoulders relax a bit and he gives me an easy smile.
“See? It’s not your fault, and you’re not stupid. Mia’s right, we’d tell you if we thought that’s what this is. We’d never lie to you.”
I can’t resist asking, “You’d tell me I’m stupid?”
He doesn’t even hesitate before saying, “I would, yeah. It would be meaner to lie about it. You should know the truth, and I’m telling you, Damien, you’re not stupid.”
His words make me feel better because I know he’s telling me what he believes is true, but it doesn’t mean I believe it. It’s a lot easier to believe Lindsey and Josh and all the others who have whispered things about me. Maybe I’m not stupid about all things, but I can’t read, and that doesn’t exactly make me feel smart. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, some flaw that isn’t visible to the naked eye, some part of my brain that’s ruined and unable to get better.
I follow him back inside, knowing I’ll do what I always do, countdown the minutes until it’s time to go home. Then I’ll tell my parents my day was fine so they don’t worry. They’ll tell me how proud they are of me, and I’ll try not to feel guilty about hiding the mystery that I can’t seem to solve.
Years later, when I’m given the official diagnosis, things don’t get easier. Just because there’s a name attached to it doesn’t mean I no longer think there’s something wrong with me. Dyslexia may be the reason, but that doesn’t erase the shame I still feel. It doesn’t erase the memory of Lindsey calling me dumb in front of our class. People still whispered about me in school as I made my way through every painful grade, even if they were too scared to say anything to my face.
I’ve since learned to hide my constant struggle with reading. No one outside my family knows, and that’s how I intend to keep it. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want pity, and I sure as hell don’t want anyone staring at me like I’m an idiot. I will never tolerate that look from anyone ever again. I no longer need Sasha to fight my battles. Although, he’d be more than happy to do it.
I can take care of myself now, and as long as I don’t ever let anyone else get too close, I’ll be fine.
My secret will be safe, and I’ll never have to endure that kind of humiliation again.
Chapter 1
