Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
Athena had always understood that to mean that love could sneak up on you, which was, of course, Olivia’s reason for telling Cesario. But suddenly, the image of Cash loomed in her mind, Cash’s smile when he watched his son, or the intensity of his blue eyes as he argued his point during their luncheon discussions. Cash, with his remarkable body, and even more remarkable mind, who was never far fromhersthese days.
Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
She hadn’twantedto fall in love…but had she?
Damn and blast.
As the audience settled, Bonnie’s expression softened to one of concern. “Athena?” she whispered.
Athena shook her head, remembering where she was. Although this was supposed to be a comedic scene, she kept her voice low and intense. “By innocence I swear, and by my youth.” She grasped Bonnie’s upper arms, causing her friend to gasp in surprise—which fit the scene—as Athena lifted her bodily out of the way, still holding her gaze seriously. “I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth, and thatno womanhas, nor never none shall be mistress of it, save I alone.”
Perhaps it was her delivery. Perhaps it was the fact that somany people in the audience knew of her history, and her determination to, indeed, be her own mistress.
Whatever the reason, the silence was broken by a single set of hands, clapping intently, then the applause built and swept across the room, and Athena heard her brother, Lysander—with his new wife at his side—call out, “Brava!Brava, lass!”
In front of her, Bonnie beamed happily. As if recognizing their scene was done, she threw her arms around Athena, who allowed herself to be hugged, and even returned the embrace. Then they both turned to take their bows and accept their accolades.
And through it all, a voice whispered in Athena’s mind:Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
After the performance, she hugged Bonnie goodbye. “We will see you the evening after tomorrow, yes?” her friend said eagerly. “The Countess said you would be attending the dancing.”
Athena nodded, promised her attendance, and hurried to pull on her traveling cloak and climb into the coach to return to Newfincy. Once there, she headed straight to the nursery to check with Annie, Callan’s nurse, on the lad’s studies and commiserate with her son about the rain. She knew he missed Matthew as much as she missed Cash.
“That’s alright, Mama. Me and Matthew can still play even if it’s raining, ’cause we play inside too!"
She smiled and kissed him on his brow, loving his imagination. “Oh really, laddie? Where do ye play?”
“In our secret fort! I can’t tell ye where it is.”
Chuckling, she agreed that little boys should have their pretend forts, and wondered if the pair of them had built something near the bend in the river while she was preoccupied with Cash. She vowed to remember to look next time they were there.
To distract her son, she told him about the performance, even reenacting the funniest bits, and soon both he and Annie were laughing happily.
Feeling as if she’d helped distract her son from his boredom, Athena headed to her room to dress for dinner with her father. But once there, she planted her palms on her dressing table and stared at her reflection in the mirror.
She’d never pass as a man—which was what had made the scene so humorous, most likely—but in this light, she looked a bit like Lysander. She was so bloody happy that he’d pulled his head out of his arse and seen the big heart Tiffany had been hiding beneath her cold exterior for so long. Her brother deserved happiness, and she knew he’d found it with Tiffany, just as Phineas was over-the-moon in love with his new wife, Olive.
Aye, her brothers had found the love they deserved.
“No’ ye.”
It wasn’t until the image in the mirror blinked that Athena realized she’d said the words out loud. Scowling, she pulled the pins from her hair which allowed her to finally take off the ridiculous hat.
“No’ ye,” she repeated, holding her gaze in reflection. “Ye chose no’ to attend the party, because ye dinnaewantto find love. Love is inconvenient and makes ye question yer choices.” The woman in the mirror—currently dressed as aman, of course—nodded firmly. “Remember that,” she cautioned.
Snorting softly at herself, Athena turned away and began to unbutton her waistcoat.
She was Ruined-with-a-capital-R, and she would do well to keep that in mind.
Though while there was a certain amount of freedom in being ruined, it wasn’t all easy. Certainly, she had the freedom now to engage in a casual liaison with a handsome father by the river, and perhaps even do more than flirting.Butshe couldn’t afford to think there’d be anything more between them. She couldn’t afford to dream of love.
Lust had brought her to where she was today, and as a result, she could indulge in a bit of lust every now and then.
But someone like her wouldn’t be allowed to love, even given unsought.
CHAPTER 4
