Relief washed over me.
“I…” He sucked in a breath. “I came to get a book.”
He grabbed one off the top of the stack on the floor and tucked it under his arm. Then, still clutching the yellow Transformer, he took me by the hand and led me out of his room and into the kitchen.
Lee was standing there with his arms wrapped around Chase. Chase’s back was to us, which I was sure was the only reasonhe said what he did to Lee: “I love you too.” Then he added, “Asshole.”
Which seemed on-brand for him, and Lee knew it too, because he grinned broadly.
“Hey,” Cash said softly, and Chase stepped out of Lee’s embrace and turned. “I just…” He darted forward and hugged Lee too. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Lee said.
“You told him about this, didn’t you?” Chase said, clutching his Transformer and scowling.
“Yeah, I did,” Cash said. “Back when you wanted to break up, to help him understand why you had your head so far up your ass.”
Chase’s expression softened for a second before he schooled it back into a frown and said, “You can stop talking again anytime.”
“Love you too,” Cash said and pulled Chase in for a hug. When they parted they both had eyes that were suspiciously damp. Chase followed up the hug with a gentle punch to Cash’s shoulder. “Now get back to your fluffy kittens and whatever the fuck it is you and Beardy McManBun here are up to.”
He gave me a narrow stare.
Beardy McManBun?I might have been offended, except he’d nailed it. But I got the feeling Chase wanted to see what I was made of, so I met his gaze and said, “That’sDoctorMcManBun, actually.”
His lips ticked up in a flash of a smile before he quickly smoothed out his expression, but it was too late. I’d seen it.
I smiled back. “Goodnight, Chase.”
Laughing silently at Chase’s glower, Cash led me toward the front door.
Later that nightwe stayed on the couch in Uncle Jim’s tiny living room way past what should have been bedtime. In my case, it was because I didn’t want to leave Cash yet. In Cash’s case, I suspected it was because he also didn’t want to go to separate beds, but he didn’t know how to ask if we were sleeping together. But the couch was comfortable, and the movie was mindless enough that we could watch it without thinking about it, and we both silently agreed to stay where we were.
I lay on my side, spooning Cash. I had my chin hooked over his shoulder so I could see the TV. His shoulders shifted every few minutes, plastic clicking as he put the yellow Transformer into a new pose. I had one hand resting on his sternum, and it shifted slightly whenever he did. I felt him tense a moment before he finally let his words out.
“We were seven or eight, and this kid at our school had all the Transformers. We were so jealous!” Another few clicks of plastic. “It was all we could talk about. And a few weeks before Christmas, they turned up in our parents’ closet. Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. Optimus Prime was Chase’s favorite, because he got to pick first. And we couldn’t have the same favorite, so I picked Bumblebee. But that was okay, because I really did think he was cooler. I liked that he was bright yellow and he wasn’t afraid to stand out.”
I rubbed the heel of my hand gently against his sternum.
“Anyway, a few days before Christmas, we pissed our dad off. And he took them out of the closet, and made us open up the boxes, and smashed them up in front of us.”
He said it so matter-of-factly that my blood ran cold. “Holy shit, Cash.”
He shrugged. “Anyway, I cried, but Chase just stuck his chin out and said, ‘I didn’t want it anyway!’ Because he wouldn’t let Dad win, even when he was a little kid.”
I wondered if we were close to time travel being a thing so I could go back and beat the shit out of the twins’ parents.
“It wasn’t the worst thing he ever did,” Cash said. “Just, I remember it really well. And Chase never talked about Transformers again.”
I lifted a hand and traced his shoulder, the soft fabric of his T-shirt sliding under my fingertips. I thought of the faint shadowed scars on his skin underneath.
He gave a jerky nod. “Yeah. Scalding shower. That was worse.” He drew a breath and let it out slowly. “But then we ran away and came here, and Danny found us, and I know what we have doesn’t look like much from the outside, but it’s more than I ever expected to have. And every time I think I have everything I want, it gets better. And sometimes that’s scary, because the more you have the more you can lose, but I’m working hard not to be afraid of wanting more.”
It might have been more than he’d ever said to me before. I pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And I think you’re amazing.”
The plastic robot clicked again. “Is it okay if I tell you something I want, even though I know it can’t happen?”
“Of course.” I ran a hand down his side. “You can tell me anything.”
