But those old fears rise up, choking me. The fear of not being loved, of being abandoned. Even if I didn’t choose to be here, even if I wish I was anywhere else right now, apparently that’s not enough to override my desperate need to belong.
So I step forward and place my shaking hand in Daddy’s outstretched palm. And I must be even more screwed-up than I ever realized, because my heart immediately calms when he smiles approvingly down at me.
“Good girl. Do you want to know what’s going to happen next?”
Just the fact that he’s offering calms my nerves a little bit more, so I nod silently.
“All right.” Hoisting me up onto his hip, he carries me over to a tall table like the one he used on the plane to change my diaper and lays me on the soft mattress. “Uncle Ford is mixing up the enema solution right now. When it’s ready, Uncle Ford will hold your legs while Daddy inserts the nozzle from the enema bag into your bottom.”
“W-will it hurt?” I manage to whisper as he tugs at the tabs of my diaper to open it.
With my diaper stripped off, Daddy reaches across me and pulls a thick leather strap across my waist, buckling me in place on the odd table. “You’ve already had Daddy’s finger in your bottom, and the nozzle is much more slender than that. So that part might pinch a little, but you can take it, can’t you, baby?”
I nod up at him. “Yes, Daddy.”
“My brave girl,” he praises, beaming down at me, and I have the fleeting thought that I would do just about anything to have him smile like that at me forever. “Once the nozzle is inserted, Daddy will open up the hose, which will fill your insides with the solution Uncle Ford is mixing up.”
“Willthathurt?”
“Oh, yes, little one. That part will hurt very, very much.”
CHAPTER 16
TABITHA
Fear twists my stomach back into a giant knot. But even though I can feel tears pricking at my eyes, my heart doesn’t start racing again. I deserve this pain. Regardless of how hurt I was feeling downstairs, it was no excuse for me to act out the way I did.
And maybe if I let him hurt me, he won’t send me away.
The door to my right opens and I twist my head to see Uncle Ford stepping into the room again, this time clutching a bag full of soapy water with a long hose attached. “Are we ready?”
“We are,” Daddy answers, holding his hand out for the bag. “She’s already strapped in, but I’m going to need you to hold her legs for me.”
“Of course.” Gripping my ankles, Uncle Ford lifts them straight up. “Are you comfortable, little one?”
The fact that he’s asking if I’m comfortable while they prepare to torture me nearly surprises a laugh out of me. But I don’t think they’d appreciate my humor, so I swallow the laugh and nod. “Yes, Uncle Ford.”
A soft smile curves his lips. “Such a polite Little girl you have, Colt.”
“She is. Normally,” Daddy adds in a dry tone that has my tummy twisting again.
“I’m really sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to be bad.”
Shifting his hold on my ankles, Uncle Ford reaches down to run a soothing hand over my hair. “Oh, sweetheart. Little girls are never bad. You might have done something naughty, but you could never, ever be bad.”
“I feel bad,” I whisper, the tears I’ve been fighting back ever since Daddy carried me upstairs slipping from my eyes.
The two men standing over me share a look before shifting their attention back to me. “Listen to your Uncle Ford, babygirl. He’s really smart about some things.”
“I’m really smart about a lot of things,” Uncle Ford mumbles, but there’s a smile tugging at his lips that tells me he’s not really mad.
“All right, little firecracker. Daddy is going to put the nozzle in your bottom now. You’ll probably feel a little pinch like we talked about.”
Something slender prods at my bottom hole and I close my eyes, willing my body to relax. I already know fighting him is only going to end with me getting my bottom spanked, and I really, really don’t want a sore bottom on top of the enema.
The nozzle slides inside me with a slight pinch as advertised, but overall it’s not bad and I’m able to relax again with a quiet sigh.
“You’re taking your punishment so well, baby.” Daddy’s tone is oddly soothing, as if he’s not the one doling out said punishment. “I’m going to open the hose now. You’ll feel a bit of discomfort as the water fills you up, and then some cramping. But no matter how bad the cramping gets, I need you to hold the liquid in until I give you permission to release it. Understood?”
