Denver bumps my shoulder. “Nice grab, LT.”
I nod once.
My hands are still shaking. Not from fear, but from what could’ve happened. I’m too used to these things ending badly, that it’s hard to accept the good sometimes.
There’s a bark, and I catch the dog pawing at the mother. She cries harder but leans down to pick up the tiny furball that looks like he may have been white once upon a time. She hugs him to her chest and moves to the back of the ambulance to be near her son.
We load up and head back to the firehouse.
The adrenaline drains on the ride, leaving behind that hollow space in my chest, even though everything went right today. There are still so many bad things. That mother’s guilt. The fact everything they owned is now gone. I can’t fix everything, even though I sure wish I could. I’d trade a lot of things to have the ability to snap my fingers and make everything right for people who deserve it.
Back in the locker room, I sit on the bench and stare at my phone.
Franklin’s contact is pulled up. I just need to talk to someone, to share the good that happened today. I save people all the time, but it’s hitting me harder right now and I don’t know why.
I close out of the contact and pull up a text, sending just one.
Me:
Pulled a kid out of a fire today. He’s alive.
The reply comes fast, and though I’m not surprised, I am grateful.
Miles:
Oh my God. Are you okay?
I swallow.
No one ever asks that. I mean, sure, the guys check in, but it’s out of habit. Of course they’d care if I wasn’t okay, but the question is just a reaction at this point. We do scary, dangerous shit. We ask each other if we’re okay all the time, but we always expect a “yes” in response. Sometimes they don’t even wait for the response.
Me:
Yeah.
Miles:
I’m glad he had you in there to save him. I bet he’ll remember you for the rest of his life. I know I would.
That one lands somewhere deep. I close my eyes, ducking my head. The urge to share anything with Franklin is quickly goingaway. Yet, his words still linger over me. Mostly the bad ones, because what good has he ever said to me?
He’s showing up here soon, and what then? It’s what I wanted for so long, but not like this. I can’t remember the last time he came to see me in Chicago, and now it’s to babysit me because he thinks I’m going off the deep end? How ridiculous is that? Yet a small part of me can’t help but be relieved over him coming to the house. Maybe it’ll finally be the time he decides to stay.
Me:
Thank you for that.
Miles:
It’s just the truth. What you do sticks with people forever, JJ.
Me:
Never really thought about it like that before.
I catch the time on my phone. It’s almost 11:30 at night.
Me:
