The waitress comes back with my water, and we put in our order for food. I get my usual, while Miles gets banana pancakes with extra whipped cream.
“So,” Miles says. “What have you been up to?”
“Well, I took your advice, not because you told me to, but because I needed to. I did a lot of thinking about my life and what I want it to look like. What will make me happy. I took a leave at work and went up to the northern peninsula in Michigan for three months.”
His eyes widen slightly, and he leans back in his chair.
“So, you really were gone this whole time?”
“You’ve gone by the firehouse a few times, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but, you know… loyalty. I figured they’d cover for you and—wait. How do you know I went to the firehouse?” He smiles curiously. “AJ said he wasn’t getting in the middle of it.”
“AJ didn’t tell me. My brother did.”
“How didheknow?”
“He checked in with AJ.” I grin.
Miles laughs. “Tell me about your trip. I’ve never left the area. Was it beautiful?”
“So beautiful. I wish I explored more. I didn’t do anything exciting. Honestly, I did a lot of nothing. Sitting in the cabin with my own thoughts, but I had to face them. It was hard at first, but then it was relieving. To have no responsibilities, no one expecting anything from me. I found a therapist and saw him three times a week. Went fishing. Hiking. Spent a lot of time in my own head—in a good way for once.”
“I’m glad, JJ—uh, Jericho.” He blushes slightly when he corrects himself, and I bite back a smile. “You really do look good.”
“I feel better,” I admit. “My life has been messy for so long that it’s all I knew, and when I finally met you… I don’t know. I got a taste of something else, and it felt good. But I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“And you think you do now?” he asks carefully.
I see the hesitation on his face, like even if I tell him the truth, he may not believe me.
“I know what I want. I always have. My reason for staying with Franklin had nothing to do with that and everything to do with other stuff.”
“Your parents.”
I nod. “I’ve been bottling everything up, allowing it to cause all these confidence issues that I didn’t realize I had. Other issues too, some things I’m still working on and probably will be for a long time. Maybe forever. But talking to someone aboutit, someone who listened and offered solid advice, it’s made a difference. I feel like I have some clarity, and though I still have a long road ahead of me, I want to be in your life. Whatever that looks like, I don’t care. Even if we’re just friends, I’ll take it. I know I need to make up for what I did and—”
“No, you don’t,” he says firmly, shaking his head. “You apologized, and that’s enough. I don’t need you feeling like you’re in debt to me for the rest of your life. I accept your apology, and I understand why you did it. But if we do this again, we need boundaries. I’m not great with them, but they have to be there. I need to know I can trust you. I don’t want to question everything you do or say.”
“I don’t want that either,” I agree.
“What about—”
“Franklin?” He nods, unable to meet my eyes. “We will officially be divorced in less than sixty days.”
His gaze flicks back to mine.
“How did you pull that off?” he asks quickly.
“I sent him papers. He handled the rest. Did everything he could to make sure it wasn’t made into a big thing.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“No,” I admit, reaching for my water and taking a sip. “But I need to. I’m going to be honest about that. I have to clear the air with him. I have to say my piece, but we have no reason to continue talking after that. I just want to get my thoughts off my chest and let it go. For good”
“I agree with you on that. Confronting him may help you move on. I’ve never been a jealous person, JJ, and I’m not someone who is going to be in a controlling relationship. I like being able to have fun, and trusting my partner is important to me.”
“I want you to trust me, Miles.”
