I don’t know what would have happened if she wasn’t there. I’ve never freaked out like that in front of other people, and I can’t imagine my foreman would have handled the situation nearly as well as she did.
Plus, I wouldn’t have enjoyed having him cuddled on my lap nearly as much.
“You’re welcome.” She leans back, giving me just a little of her weight. “Thank you for letting me work with Trevor.”
“Ruthless, you are allowed to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it. There is nome lettingyou do anything.” I don’t like the way she phrased that. What it insinuates. “I just want you to be happy.”
And while I can think of at least ten very fun ways I could make her happy right now, I keep them to myself. I don’t know when my mother is coming back, and I won’t have her eating cold spaghetti while Birdie tries to systematically dismantle my house.
So, even though there’s nothing more I want than to show Ruth how much I appreciate all she’s done for me today, I urge her into a chair. After turning away, I adjust my once again rock solid cock as I go back into the kitchen to grab us a couple bottles of water.
I should probably also grab one to shove down my pants to take the edge off.
24
Ruth
The doorbell rings just as we’re finishing eating, and I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. I love being a mom. Even if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant Birdie wouldn’t be a part of my life.
But I wish Deidre could’ve kept her just alittlelonger.
Not because I don’t miss my daughter. I do. Being away from her today felt weird and unnatural. But it’s something I’m going to have to get used to. She’ll be away from me regularly once we move, so today was a good day to test the waters. And since I open the door to find two smiling faces, it’s pretty clear the waters were smooth sailing.
Which is why I don’t feel bad about wishing I’d been able to stare at Tucker’s bare chest just a few minutes longer. Maybe touch it a little.
With my tongue.
Unfortunately, while I greet his mother, he retrieves a T-shirt from his room, pulling it on to hide the tanned skin and toned abs that distracted me all through dinner.
After taking Birdie’s diaper bag and hooking itover the back of one of the stools set at the kitchen island, I go back toward Deidre, planning to relieve her of my daughter.
But Tucker beats me to the punch. He scoops my little girl out of his mother’s arms, transferring her to his with a grin. “Did you girls have fun today?”
“The most fun.” Deidre gives Birdie a smile. “Didn’t we?”
Birdie slow blinks at her, lids heavy as she tries to hold her head upright.
“It looks like she had almost more fun than she could handle.” I give Deidre a smile I hope conveys how genuinely grateful I am. “Thank you so much for taking her. I really appreciate it.”
Deidre waves my thanks off. “It’s nothing.” Reaching out, she smooths back a little of my daughter’s curly hair. “That’s what Gram Grams are for.” Her eyes drift to my daughter, a wistful smile curving her lips. “She reminds me so much of Tucker when he was that age. Full of energy and overflowing with excitement and joy.”
I hold my breath, expecting her words to hit me like a punch to the gut.
And they do, but not in the way I expected.
Of course I’m sad my mother never got the chance to be the amazing grandma she would have been. Now on top of that, I’m struggling with guilt over knowing Deidre’s time acting as Birdie’s Gram Gram is very limited. With sadness over my daughter having someone grandmotherly in her life for such a small period of time at an age where she won’t even remember it.
But there’s nothing I can do to change any of it. I have to move. It’s the only way I can keep Birdie safe. This false sense of security here on the Bradshaw estate won’t last. It’s still too close to William. And we’re still too easy to find.
“I’ll let you guys go to bed, because you all look a little exhausted.” She pats Tucker on the shoulder before giving myarm a squeeze. “If you need me again, just let me know. Ted and I are always up for hanging out with Birdie.”
My throat tightens, forming an ache I can’t swallow away. This whole thing felt harmless when it started, but the deeper I get into the lie Tucker and I are telling, the more complicated it gets.
What will his mother think when I don’t just break up with him, but actually move across the country? What will Trevor do when I’m not there to smooth over his verbal missteps and keep him in line? What about Maren and Mariah and Brooke? Will their feelings be hurt when I leave without saying goodbye?
Because that’s what I’m going to have to do. I can’t face them. Can’t explain why I’m leaving and why things didn’t work out. Because they technically aren’t workingin. Not the way they think.
Tucker walks his mom to the door, my daughter still cradled in his arm. I watch as her little head gets heavier and heavier, bobbing around until it finally drops to rest against his shoulder. The pit in my stomach sinks deeper, forming a hole I’m not sure I know how to fill. Or if I even can.
