"I'll tell Colt. Myself. When I'm ready. Please, I don't want to make a big deal of it."
Jess holds my gaze for three seconds. Then she nods once.
"Soon," Sarah says. "Or I tell Knox and he tells Colt and you lose the option."
"Yes, soon."
Sarah watches me for a beat. Then she settles back."Now. The ex-husband."
My glass stops halfway to my mouth.
"Bruiser told Knox," she says. "Knox told me. I tell everyone. It's the circle of the club."
I laugh. It comes out wet and wrong and I press my hand over my mouth.
"Derek thinks I'm playing a role," I say. "He thinks the library, the town, Colt... it's a narrative I'm building because the real version of my life scared me."
"Is it?" Jess pulls her feet under her.
"No. Maybe. I don't know." I take another sip and the glass rattles against my lips. "I'm thirty-eight. I run a county library in a town with one stoplight. My ex-husband showed up lookinglike a catalog and told me I'm hiding, and then I sat in front of a board and told them I'm dating an orc, and the orc doesn't even know I said that, and I don't know if what we have is a relationship or if I'm just—"
"Stop." Holly holds up her hand."My parents planned my whole life. I burned the script. It cost me four years of silence but I'd do it again tomorrow."
Sarah says. "I drove three thousand miles to get away from Peter. Knox was the first man who ever made me feel safe instead of trapped."
Nina touches the horn pendant at her throat. "Garrett packed my bag and told me to leave. I drove back three days later and he hadn't moved from the floor." She shrugs. "These men will try to make the choice for you. Don't let them."
Jess stretches her legs out, one hand on her belly. "I kissed Finn to shut him up during a hurricane and said yes to the claiming bite before he finished asking." She looks at me. "Scariest call I've ever made, and I've made triage calls in the field."
Holly refills my glass. "The point isn't that it's easy. If some guy in a nice coat shows up and tells you this is the easy path, he's lying. This is the hardest thing you'll ever do. The point is that it's worth it."
Nobody tells me what to do. They just tell me what they did.
I drive home at ten. My apartment sits dark and quiet. I turn on one lamp, kick off my shoes, sit on the edge of the bed.
Derek's voice in my head:You're playing a role.
The boardroom in my chest:Are you in a personal relationship?
I said yes. And I meant it. Not for the board, not to prove Derek wrong, not because I read too many romance novels and I want the story to fit. I meant it because Colt is the first person in five years who made me want to stop hiding after six.
I pick up my phone. I send him a text.
Can you come over. Tonight. Is it too soon to say that I need you? If you can get a sitter.
I hit send before I can talk myself out of it. Then I sit on my bed with the phone in my lap, and I wait.
Chapter 8
Colt
The text comes in at eight-fourteen while I'm staring at the club's accounts receivable like the numbers might rearrange themselves into answers.
Jess texted me two hours ago. Ellie showed up at the clubhouse after the board meeting, shaken. The old ladies had her on the couch with bourbon and opinions. I stayed home with the ledger because Ellie didn't come for me and I wasn't going to insert myself into something she needed from them.
Can you come over. Tonight. Is it too soon to say that I need you? If you can get a sitter.
I read it twice. Put the phone down. Pick it up and read it a third time because the words don't change and I need to confirm they mean what I think they mean. Ellie Frost texting me at eight o'clock at night.
