I sucked in a breath. Sweat beaded along my hairline, and my heart thudded in my ears.
Broad, endless sky. Pinpricks of light scattered through. So many stars, they’d never be counted. In the distance, cattle wandered, their faint and familiar sounds never being anything other than home.
Another breath, this one easier.
Across the hall, she slept. Safe and free from all her troubles. My grandparents were downstairs, tucked away in their bed. My parents down the road one way, my brother and his family the other. Everyone was in their place. Even me.
I closed my eyes, and they stayed that way, even as more tears trickled out.
The weight lifted gradually until I stopped thinking about my next breath.
Not all at once. Not merciful. It was slow. One notch at a time.
I pressed my palm flat against my sternum, over the place she’d smacked earlier, laughing. My heart was still beating too hard, but it was no longer trying to escape.
Just knocking.
Just alive.
You’re here.
The moonlight cut a pale rectangle across my floorboards. I traced it with my eyes. The worn knot in the wood near the dresser. The shadow of the oak outside, branches swaying steadily in the summer wind.
The world was not ending.
My lungs figured that out before my head could.
Another breath. Deeper this time. I held it until my lungs stretched uncomfortably then let it go. The tight band around my ribs loosened. The buzzing in my fingertips dulled.
I dragged a hand over my face and rolled to my side, turning fully toward the window. I didn’t have to solve anything tonight. I just had to make it to morning.
Life would keep moving, the way it always did. And I would move with it.
Like I always did.
Chapter Fifteen
Zara
Oh,wasIevera fool.
I’d drunk enough last night to wake in absolute misery, but not so much I couldn’t remember most of what I’d done. I was in Cormac’s guest bedroom. I couldn’t quite recall him putting me to bed, but there were snapshots of him carrying me to his car and whispering for me to sleep well burned in my mind.
This was not great.
I sat up, and the room tilted. Breathing deep through my nose, I waited on the edge of the bed until I was mostly certain I wouldn’t lose the contents of my stomach.
I was surprised to find my phone charging on the bedside table, along with a bottle of water and painkillers. After checking the time, I poured two pills into my hand and swallowed them along with half the water. As my mind became less hazy, it dawned on me Cormac had done this. He’d plugged in my phone and left the water and medicine.
My throat tightened with a sudden surge of emotion and a deep, unbearable sense of loss. This boy…this man now, had always been good. To me. To everyone. He still was. No matterwhat had happened to drive us apart years ago, he was still Cormac. And I had missed him more than I ever thought possible.
Another deep breath, and I pushed to my feet, making my way into the en suite bathroom.
Once I’d washed off my smeared makeup and scrubbed my teeth with the toothbrush Cormac had left for me—ofcoursehe’d left a toothbrush for me—I ventured into the hallway.
If I’d thought I could have gotten away with sneaking out, I might have tried, but voices filtered up from downstairs. A man’s deep voice…and a woman’s.
My stomach went wobbly again. There was a ninety-seven percent chance that voice belonged to Cormac’s grandmother, Lily. As much as I’d love to see her, the circumstances weren’t great. At all.
