“I don’t know if that’s what I’m doing,” I argued weakly.
“You don’t?” This time, he only raised one skeptical eyebrow. “To me, that’s exactly what this is. You did it with Jackson—rode that sinking ship all the way to the ocean floor because you’d invested so much time. And it sounds to me like you’re doing the same thing with your career. You can abandon ship, Z. You know Mom and Dad and me and Steven will keep you afloat if you need it.”
“I know.” I sucked in a shaky breath as a seed of terror bloomed in my belly. “It’s the only direction I have, though.”
He chuffed. “You’re being stubborn, as usual. Didn’t you just finish telling me about a job offer you have there?”
“Are you trying to convince me to move?”
“No. No way. But if you’re qualified for that job, who’s to say you couldn’t find one like it here?” Turning away from the camera, he scratched the side of his head. When he spoke again, it was quieter. “I want you to be happy. If that means moving, I won’t like it, but I’ll support you.”
With each word, the terror grew, climbing out of my gut and clawing up my lungs.
“I don’t want to make a mistake.”
Zane stayed steady, even as I wobbled. “If you do, you can always fix it. There’s nothing that can’t be undone.”
Fear wrapped around my heart, holding on tight. “Do you think you could go outside and show me the stars?”
My brother didn’t even hesitate, the phone jostling as he made his way out to his patio.
“Here you go. Look up,” he said softly, turning the camera up to the sky.
Through gray clouds, dots of light shone. Here and there, scattered like confetti. It was a beautiful sight, no doubt. And there was a time I would have lain on my back to gaze up at them…to count them for hours and try to pick out constellations. I would have been satisfied.
But now…
I looked up, and I almost couldn’t breathe. There was so much. Endless. Countless. No clouds or light pollution blocking the glow. The stars spilled across the sky in thick rivers of light, crowding close together like they were pressing down on the earth. The darkness between them wasn’t empty. It felt deep, alive, stretching on forever. It made me feel small, yet like I was a part of something vast and meaningful.
I looked at the phone screen again, and it was beautiful. The clouds, the trees on the horizon, the little snatches of light blinking through the breaks. The sky looked soft there, muted and close. Comfortable. Like home. If I hadn’t known something else was out there, I would have been content to look up at it every night.
“It’s not enough,” I whispered.
Zane pointed the camera at his face again, took a long, assessing look at me, and said, “Well, fuck.”
Chapter Thirty-eight
Cormac
Iwaswaitingformy coffee at the café when Javier slid up beside me.
“Morning.”
“Good morning.” He rested his elbow on the counter, glancing at his phone. “How is your week going?”
“Ah, it’s fine. I’m sure you know the Kellers are returning tomorrow.”
He chuckled. “Yes, I’m aware. Mrs. Keller has already scheduled herself on every hike and trail ride Zara is leading. She won’t go with anyone else.”
“Believe me, she let me know her preference as well.” The barista slid my coffee onto the counter, and I grabbed it, tipping it toward Javier. “Let me know if she gives you any trouble. I’ll try to redirect her.”
“I’m used to her, and we both know Zara can handle her.” His coffee arrived right after mine, and he fell in step with me as we made our way across the lobby. “I was hoping you would have a word with Zara, actually.”
“What kind of word?”
“I’m going to need an answer from her as soon as possible. If she’s not going to take the job, we’ll have to put a notice up soon so I’ll have time to train my replacement.”
I stopped in my tracks so suddenly Javier took two more steps before noticing.
