He nudged my chin with his knuckle, forcing my face up to his. “I hear you thinking. It’s okay, Zara. My feelings aren’t your responsibility. You were never required to reciprocate them, especially when I never told you I had them. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I huffed. “That isn’t true, and we both know it.” Then my nose crinkled. “I’ve always loved you too, you know. I’m not sure if it wasthatway. The love has just been there since we met. If I hadn’t been so consumed by my mom’s illness and the years of grief that followed, I think I would have gotten brave and tried to kiss you.”
He pressed his thumb against my bottom lip. “Now, see, we don’t need to do that. Playing the ‘what if’ game isn’t going to win us anything but regret. Youwereconsumed with grief.Ilet you go too easily. Youdidoverhear me talking to Jackson the night before your wedding. Those are things we can’t change. But I’ve got you in my arms right now, and I’m finding myself not too upset about anything.”
“I’m not there yet.”
“That’s all right. We’ve got time.”
The backs of my eyes burned, and panic welled in my chest. We didn’t. We had this summer…then what? I had to leave when we were only now discovering this new facet of our love. Would it just be over?
Chapter Thirty-five
Cormac
Zara’seyeswereshinyblack diamonds. “We don’t, though. We don’t have time.”
Frustration rose, but I tamped it down. She didn’t think the way I did or see what I saw. But how could she know what was going on in my mind if I didn’t tell her? I’d made that mistake with her too many times. It was high time I learned from the past.
“Zara,” I sighed. “Come here.”
Instead of waiting for her, I scooped her up and carried her over to Phoebe’s desk, sitting down in her chair with Zara in my lap. I’d come to learn she liked it there, and since there wasn’t anything I liked more than having her close, getting to touch her and learn the feel of her in my arms, that worked for me.
“We can make time.”
Her brow creased. “I don’t think that kind of physics has been mastered yet. I wish…”
I laughed softly, leaning down to kiss her trembling lips. “Not what I mean, sweetheart.”
“Then tell me what you mean.”
In the past, I would have considered her feelings before speaking. I would have turned it over and over in my head until I talked myself out of saying anything. I was through doing the same thing on repeat and expecting a different result. I knew what I wanted, and I was going for it.
“If I have my way, we’re not going to be finished in September. I want us to have a chance at making this work. If that means doing long distance, I’m willing to give that a try. I have no intention of letting you go unless you tell me I have to. And even then, it might be tricky.”
Her eyes darted between mine. “You want to try long distance?”
“I do.”
“I…think it would be really hard.”
“No harder than giving you up.”
A puff of air escaped her parted lips. “Thatwouldbe hard.”
“Impossible.”
Her chin quivered as she stared at me. “I’m so sorry.”
“Stop it.” I took her chin between my thumb and forefinger. “None of that. We’re not talking about the past anymore. We’re moving on to our future.”
She blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek like it was trying to run away so it wouldn’t be seen. I didn’t miss it. Catching it with my finger, I wiped it away.
“It’s not fair we’re just getting here,” she said.
“Pretty sure my dad told us plenty of times life isn’t fair.”
That made her laugh. “Oh, he definitely did. My dad too.”
