“It’s fine.”
More awkward silence.
I fidget with the button on my cuff. “I heard your… pool is really cool. It has a slide?” Oh god, what am I doing?
“Mhm.”
“…Happy Birthday. Even though it’s… kind of unlucky. For me.”
I’d be naive to think I see my pain mirrored by the flash in Morgan’s eyes. I’m sure it’s secondhand embarrassment. Maybe concern that I’ll say too much.
“Thanks.”
“I’ll… let you get back to it. I should go make sure Eileen didn’t get lost on the way to the bathroom.” I turn and take a step.
“Jamie…”
“Yeah?”
“We should talk.” Morgan tilts her head in a direction, then heads that way, and I follow. She leads me through the chatter of the party and up a custom wooden staircase to another living area that’s currently empty. She goes up to the glass wall and pulls open a sliding door, stepping out onto the balcony.
She leans out over the railing, and I join her, taking in the ruffle of the breeze still warm from the ocean and the glitter of the city at night.
It reminds me of that night on the bay.
Morgan takes a long pull from her drink, which I’m pretty sure is scotch on the rocks.
I’m trying not to stare too much, but I’m scanning her face, squashing the hope in my chest, because I’m pretty sure she’s about to tell me I shouldn’t work at Artemis anymore.
Her eyes remain out over the city, and her expression is unreadable.
“I don’t usually struggle with things like this,” Morgan says quietly, glancing towards me. “But you’re the exception to… a lot of my rules.”
She’s definitely about to fire me. For the good of the organism. And the worst part is, I agree with her. I made myself a liability when I fell—
Shit. I can’t let myself think those words. Not now.
“I… want to apologize,” Morgan says.
My breath goes still in my lungs. “What for?”
“I let you believe that I was making some decisions for our… mutual benefit. When they were ultimately self-serving. And I don’t regret making those decisions, but… I do regretmisrepresenting them to you.”
“What decisions?” My voice is hardly more than a breath. Is this going to be about how she should have never invited me on the campaign to begin with?
“When I sent you home, I led you to believe that… it didn’t affect me. Perhaps even that I was… content with the… duration of our relationship.”
“I’msosorry I overstayed my welcome—”
“Jamie,” Morgan says, almost a laugh, but there’s a tremor in her voice. “It wasn’tlongenough. Imissyou. And I… I never miss anybody.”
The ground spins under me. “Really?”
“Really.” She seems bewildered. Gathers herself. “The reason I canceled the rest of the tour was that…Icould not handle spending any more time with you and not…” She sighs, leaning her forehead into her hand, her elbow propped on the railing. “Gia’s right—I’m so bad at this. Okay, look, that night in the garden, when…”
The memories tumble back in fragments, and my spine tingles while my stomach twists with anxiety. “Yeah…”
“It tookeverythingto not rip that collar off. And Ineveraccept that there’sanythingthat I cannot do. But I just…” Her voice shakes. “I had this clear, certain thought.I can’t do this again.I can’t do this again and not…” There’s an openness, a vulnerability on her face.
