He was so still I thought he might be considering kissing me again. But he took a long, steady breath and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked at me once, his gaze taking in my mouth, my hair, and my mouth again. His lips parted then closed, and swallowing hard, he turned away. He didn’t open the door and return to the music room; instead, he strode away to some other part of the house, leaving me alone.
Not a word about crossing an item off his list, nor a funny quip that would set me at ease. He simply left.
I fell back against the door and raised my fingers to my lips, and since David wasn’t here to witness it, I allowed my lips to curve into a slow and steady smile.
Whatever happened in the future, kissing David had not been a mistake.
W
Chapter 12
“No one should become part of the Tate family. We keep our misery to ourselves.”
—David Tate, 1845, Age 18
The next day, I didn’t see David at all, and he didn’t send a note. Which was understandable, I reminded myself. He shouldn’t be expected to spend every waking moment with me. He probably had things he needed to catch up on after all the time we’d already spent together.
It was, after all, only a temporary engagement.
I’d relived our kiss a thousand times in my head, and every time, a sneaking ribbon of pleasure interrupted my worry over what the kiss had done to drive David away.
After another day passed without a word from him, the thrill of remembering his hands on my waist and my fingers in his hair turned more and more into the worry I’d been pushing away. I needed to see him. I lay in bed knowing I couldn’t spend one more day in the cottage with only Mama and my own thoughts. If I did, the carpets would be threadbare from my pacing. We were engaged. I could visit his home without an invitation, couldn’t I?
The last time I’d talked to David, he’d planned on Mama and me moving into Tate Hall. With only a few days left until the Prestons’ tenants arrived, I needed to know if that remained our plan. I wouldvisit with the Mortensens on my way so I wouldn’t appear quite so desperate to see him, and then I’d call on Julia. It was perfectly reasonable for me to call on Julia.
In the morning, I dressed, then sat at my dressing table, carefully examining the skin on my face in the mirror. I didn’t feel old. If anything, my time in Breckenridge had made me feel younger than I had in a long time. But what did David see? He’d once proposed to a seventeen-year-old woman, and at only twenty-three, a seventeen-year-old might still be what he would fancy.
I frowned, twisted my hair into a simple knot and went to breakfast. I shouldn’t be thinking about what David preferred. Young as he was, he most likely preferred no attachment at all.
I greeted Mama and grabbed a hunk of bread and cheese. “I’m going to Tate Hall this morning,” I told her when I sat down. “Would you like to join me?”
“Will Mr. Tate be sending the carriage?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m going to walk.”
Mama grimaced at the sound of the wind against the window. “I’ll stay home, but have a wonderful time, and send both Mr. and Miss Tate my regards.”
After my short visit with Mrs. Mortensen restored my spirits and left me feeling as though anything in the world were possible, I arrived at Tate Hall and told the footman I’d come to visit with Julia. If he thought it strange that I’d come to visit her instead of my supposed fiancé, he didn’t say anything.
I was shown into the large octagonal drawing room, and I found I could pace here as well I did in the cottage. I’d only asked to see Julia, but if David knew I was here, he would come, wouldn’t he?
It took only a few moments for Julia to enter. She came in quietly but with a smile that showed she was happy to see me. I peeked behind her, and she must have caught the motion.
“I’m sorry, David isn’t here to visit. He is in Lincolnshire, meeting with a school friend of our brother, Garrett. David thinks he might have a position for you and your mother there.”
Any lifted opinions I had of myself after Mrs. Mortensen’s praises fled. David hadn’t visited because he’d left without telling me, and he’d left on an errand that would hasten our separation. We’d always known I would have to leave the cottage, but he’d never seemed to feel any urgency in finding me anywhere else to stay but Breckenridge. It was hard to believe his sudden fervor in finding us a home didn’t have anything to do with the kiss we’d shared.
“In Lincolnshire?”
“Yes, I’ve heard it is a lovely place. I hope, for your sake, his plans work out and you can live there until you turn twenty-seven.”
I blinked, my eyebrows furrowing. “David told you about my inheritance?”
“Yes. I hope you don’t mind. I was worried about you.”
“Of course I don’t mind.” I could imagine how that conversation had played out. Julia must have been concerned about how much I enjoyed being engaged to David and wondered if, after all her concern over him, perhaps he was the one who was going to hurt me. David would have reassured her by mentioning all the plans we’d made beyond simply finding me work and a place to live. Plans that, up until our kiss, had seemed reasonable to me.
I pasted a smile on my face, trying to look unconcerned, when, in reality, the large room had started feeling confining. I shouldn’t have come. “I’m glad you and David can both let your minds rest as far as I’m concerned.”
