“I know this is a lot to process.”
“Why would you wait until I moved all the way across the country to tell me something like this?”
“Because I knew if there was still a chance that you did care, you’d never leave California.”
“Exactly!”
“And I couldn’t have that,” she reminded me.
Feeling defeated, I aimed my steps at the closest bench I could find and plopped down. “I feel like a terrible person for not knowing. At the end of the day, you’re still my mother. I’m sorry—I should’ve checked in with you more.”
“How could you have possibly known something like this would happen? This is exactly why I don’t want you here. You can’t but my burdens on your shoulders, Cassidy. All I need you to do is promise me that you’ll go get yourself checked out.”
I bobbed my head up and down while patting the base of my hand against my dewy cheeks. “I will, I promise. I’ll make an appointment as soon as I get back to New York.”
“Good.”
“So, tell me what’s going on. I want to know everything,” I probed as calmy as my wrecked nerves would allow.
“Well, the good news is the cancer hasn’t spread to my organs, and I’ve been doing an aggressive chemo regimen for months. The doctors keep telling me that if we stick to the treatment plan, there’s a good possibility that I can beat it.”
“That’s a good thing! That’s great news!” I quaked as a wave of relief washed over me.
“Yeah, but there is also a high risk that it could come back.”
“Well, we’re not going to even speak that into existence. Positive vibes only, Mom.”
“You’re right.”
“How are you feeling though?”
“Tired, mostly. Some days I’m sick and don’t have much of an appetite, but other than that, I’m managing.”
“Managing? You should be doing more than managing. Do you need anything? Are you comfortable? Let me come take care of you,” I offered.
“Your Aunt Tina is here every day. She’s been helping, and I’ve hired some help around the house.”
“When’s your next doctor appointment? I want to be there.”
“Cassidy, what did I just say?”
I let out an aggravated sigh. “If you won’t let me come see you, let me at least pay to get you more help. Whatever you need, just tell me what you need, Mom,” I pleaded, tears springing out of my eyes.
“I need you to keep doing you, Cassidy. I know it may not have seemed like it, maybe ever, but you have made me so proud. You always have. And maybe I didn’t know how to show you that, or maybe my guidance and criticism were the worst thing for you and tore you down more than built you up.”
“M—mom.”
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry,” she acknowledged.
I never imagined I would be standing in the middle of a street in Miami when my mother and I would have our ‘Come to Jesus’ moment, but there we were.
“Cassidy? Did I lose you?” she asked when I didn’t respond.
Goosebumps pebbled my arms. “I’m here.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“I did, and I—I guess I don’t know what to say because I never knew you were listening.”
