After I got out of the shower and washed the airport stench off me, I took my phone off airplane mode and prepared myself to face the music. I hadn’t had my phone in hand for more than five minutes before it started vibrating.
“Lauryn, what are you doing up so late? Is everything okay with the baby?” I answered.
“Waiting for Santa.Bitch, what do you think? I needed to hear your voice to make sure you were okay! And yes, the baby is fine.”
“Good, and I’m fine.”
She smacked her lips. “Lie again.”
“I mean, I think the three of you established that out of all thepictures posted, the one where it looks like he was kissin’ that bitch was the icing on the cake, right? So, how do you think I feel?” I retorted.
“Have you spoken to him?” she asked, bypassing my defensive attitude.
“Barely. I’m not really in the mood to speak to anyone right now,” I confirmed, hoping she’d show me some mercy and get off the phone without a fuss.
“I just needed to hear your voice. I know you’re not okay, and that’s okay. This love shit is hard. You know I’m always on your side, but I do think you should hear him out whenever you do feel like talking.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s late, and I just got in from a flight. I’m going to get some sleep,” I said. My second attempt at trying to end our conversation before it headed in a direction I didn’t have the energy for it to go.
“Hold up. Flight? You left him in Vegas? Is that why you haven’t been answering any of our calls?”
An exasperated huff flew past my twisted lips before I responded, “You damn right I left his ass! You think I was gon’ sit around in his hotel room and let him lie to my face?” I snapped.
“True. So that’s it, though? You’re done?”
My nose wrinkled at her question. “What do you mean? Yes, I’m—I.”
“You don’t have to know right now, Cass.”
“I just…ugh! Seeing those photos triggered the fuck out of me. Especially after that shit with Omar, you know? I can’t believe I got played again!”
“No, you’re completely right. Getting played by a nigga is fuckin’ traumatic. Trust, we’ve all been there and still got the PTSD to prove it. So, your feelings are valid.”
“Things went from being so perfect hours ago and now, boom! I’m hit with this shit. There’s a part of me that wants to hear him out, but there’s a bigger part of me that saw the photos with my own two eyes. What more do I need him to explain to me? Obviously, he’s been out here fucking other bitches, so there’s nothing more to be said. I think Ijust need to put what’s left of this relationship in my rearview and count my blessings it didn’t get worse.”
“If that’s what you feel like you wanna do, then I support you. I just—never mind.”
“What? Say it.”
“I’m just sayin’ that you don’t have to be the superhero all the time, Cass. I don’t want you to throw everything away so quickly. You said it yourself, he was making you happy, right?”
I rubbed the back of my neck as my phone dinged. There had been pictures of Hendrix and I linked to the pictures of him and that bitch with the headlineWho Really Has Hendrix’s Heart?I threw the phone down and buried my head in my pillow to let out a muffled scream. My life had turned into an episode ofThe Bachelorand dealing with the unwanted court of public opinion while trying to figure out my own shit, had me stressed to the brink.
“Cass? Cass! Are you okay? Answer me!” Lauryn yelled through the speaker.
I slowly picked up the phone. “I know what I said, but as you can imagine, my feelings have changed since then! I’m a fucking story all over again! These bloggers don’t give a fuck about my real life, only what makes their click rates and impressions shoot through the roof. My love life, my mental health, and everything else are expendable to them!”
“Girl, fuck these bottom of the barrel-ass, scrounging through people’s dirty laundry for some clout ass bloggers! As long as you two know what it is, then that’s all that matters.”
I exhaled. “Look, I know you’re being my girl and checking in on me, but I seriously can’t talk about this shit anymore. I—just need to shut out the fuckin’ world and get some sleep, okay?”
Air left her nostrils in a huff. “Okay, goodnight, girl. Call me when you wake up, okay?”
“I told you, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Enjoy your Christmas.”
A sigh escaped her lips before she replied, “You too, Cass.”
I quickly deaded the call before setting the security alarm and putting my phone onDo Not Disturbmode. My arms encircled mypillow as I pulled it tight to my chest. Falling all over myself in love had gotten me nowhere, once again.
