He rolls over so that we can look at each other properly.
“If it’s what you want,” he whispers. “Nothing else matters.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back. “I’m sure it’ll just take a few days. I promise it’ll be worth it.”
I kiss him quickly, trying to say thank you without words, and he returns the kiss but pulls away faster than I’d like.
“Good night,” he says, before rolling back over, so I can’t see his face any longer.
“Night.”
Sweat drips down the side of my face.
“Concentrate,” Yoki commands. “Find your center.”
I squeeze my eyes together even tighter than before, grit my teeth, and attempt to focus. A low, strained growl rolls in my throat.
“Don’t force it,” Yoki says, cool as a goddam cucumber. “You’re forcing it.”
I risk a sneak peek through one eye and find Yoki already smiling at me like they knew I was about to cheat.
“Take a breather,” they command, and I exhale, opening my eyes and letting the tension flood from my muscles.
“I don’t understand,” I say, frustration heating my cheeks. “It’s been two days and I’m nowhere nearer to finding that light again.”
Yoki tilts their head to the side, appraising me with gentle eyes. They’re sitting on a cushion opposite me in the open doorway at the back of their tent. The scent of palo santo wood and burning sage drift from the shaded interior. The desert sun is high in the sky. I wipe the sweat from my forehead.
“You are attempting to commune with all of wolfkind, it takes patience, discipline, and above all else, concentration.”
“But I was concentrating.”
“Max,” Omar says, chiding me for whining. I glance into the tent where he’s sitting at the central table, organizing herbs or making bouquets of dried flowers for some lucky wolf’s wedding, I don’t know. “It’ll happen. Just relax.”
Omar has been a comforting presence the last couple of days, but even his sturdy and lighthearted ways aren’t much help right now.
“That’s easy for you to say,” I huff. “I’ve been meditating and chanting and inhaling burnt herbs and I’ve barely stopped the headaches from attacking me every time I try to connect with the lupine chorus or whatever.”
“It’s only been two days. Take your time.”
“I don’t know how much time I have. Jasper is—he’s worried we’ve been away too long already. I don’t know how long I can stay, and I need to figure this out before I go.”
“Connection to the chorus cannot be rushed,” Yoki says with sudden urgency. “You have innate power, that is certain. But to wield it takes practice. You must learn to focus. If you are unable to control your abilities, to funnel the voices, the results could be disastrous.”
I rub the back of my neck and sigh. “I know. You’re right. Shall we try again?”
“No, enough for today,” Yoki says, already standing and straightening out the skirt of their robes.
“But it’s only just after noon. Should I come back in a couple of hours or…”
Yoki rubs their chin like an old wizard, only they look like a child playacting. “Something is blocking you from truly connecting. I must think and commune with the moon gods to come up with a solution. Come back tomorrow.”
With that Yoki turns, their robes flung out like the petals of a flower, and leaves the tent for the desert.
I slump forward on my cushion, my shoulders rolling and head dropping. “Maybe it’s no use. Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to be the blood wolf.”
“Hey,” Omar says, suddenly standing right next to me. “You were chosen for a reason. The moon gods don’t make mistakes like that. Besides, you’ve barely started. It took me two weeks to even figure out how to sit still during morning meditation, let alone control my wolf presence.”
“Really?”
