Jasper’s chest is heaving; he’s holding his hands out, palms up, like he’s pleading with me.
“You may believe your dad has your best interests at heart, but there’s no way when push comes to shove he won’t do whatever it takes to retain his power.”
Jasper takes a step toward me, trying to take my hand. “I won’t let him.”
“And what if you don’t have a choice?” I spit, pulling back. “What if there’s no way out? Huh? In a couple of years, if Morven is still hell-bent on this arrangement, how am I supposed to know you won’t do what’s needed for the pack?”
Jasper stares at me like he’s confused or hurt or whatever, I don’t really care, because the only thing I notice is that he hasn’t answered. He hasn’t said that he’ll run away with me or do whatever it takes to keep me. He’s stumped. And suddenly I know the answer to my questions.
“I’m not going to be strung along until the time comes for you to abandon me for the pack.”
“I’m not asking you to!” Jasper comes forward once again, this time managing to take both of my hands. “It’s just a Band-Aid so that we can figure something out without endangering the pack. It’s what I need to do.”
“You don’tneedto do anything!” I try to pull my hands away, but he holds on tight. “You just need to be honest.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
Jasper’s grip loosens and our hands slip apart.
“I’ve never asked you to be anything other than what and who you are,” I say. “Can you say that much for your dad, the pack?”
Jasper rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “You know it’s not that simple.”
“I’m not saying you need to tell them about us—I’m not saying you need to tell them about yourself, or anything until you’re ready. But I have been running around this party, trying to find you. I’ve been trying to find you for months. And I can’t do it anymore. If we aren’t in this together, if you can’t be honest with me at the very least, then maybe we shouldn’t be together at all.”
Jasper’s shoulders drop and dread fills his emerald eyes. He shakes his head, but no sound comes out of his gaping mouth.
My hands are shaking so much I have to cup them together to make it stop. I want to throw up and fall over and explode all at once. I’ve laid out the truth—my truth, at least. And even though it feels like my heart has been frozen and smashed into a million spiky shards, I know I’m doing the right thing. I also know I need to get out of here before I crumble completely.
“Max, it’s just for now. I promise I will figure out a way to fix things with Morven.”
“Don’t bother…”
I push past Jasper and leave the room without looking back.
As soon as I’m back out on the dance floor, I feel like my chest is going to explode. My heart is beating faster than it ever has before. I can’t catch my breath. Everything is spinning around me. I feel like I could cry or howl if only I could inhale. My fingers curl up like I’m a shriveling corpse. I close my eyes and try to breathe—in and out, in and out—but it isn’t getting better. I need air. I need to get out of this stuffy, suffocating party. I glance at the elevator, but the door is shut, and there’s no way I can wait long enough to get all the way back down to the ground floor.
So instead I head for the emergency exit and the stairs. It’s already cooler when I burst through the door into the industrial stairwell. I wonder briefly if Mia and Olivia are still out here, but they were down a floor and I need to go up. I need to get as high as possible—to the roof, where the air will be freezing and I’ll be able to breathe.
Hoisting myself up the banister, I stumble to the top of the stairs and find just what I need, the exit to the roof.I freakin’ love New York.The door is a little jammed, so I ram it with my shoulder and tumble out into the night.
Immediately, I feel a little calmer. The drama and calamity of the party is below me now. There’s no noise from the wolves, no incessant feelings intruding into my brain. To my right is a clichéd-looking water tower, to my left some large exhaust vents, and other than that just clear night air. I put Times Square, with its lights and crowds and countdowns, behind me and head over to the edge of the roof that looks out on Central Park.
It’s dark down there, just the lights of the baseball field and the lamps lining the paths. I take a deep breath and let my mind drift up to the stars. I finally start to find calm.
But then the questions begin to bubble up: did I just break things off with Jasper? Did I do the right thing? Should I have listened and waited? Should I have given him one last chance? Or am I better off? Have I made the right decision in the long run? Is this really the end?
“Nice night,” a smooth voice says from behind me.
I turn and find Clayton standing a little ways off, masked by the shadow of the water tank. He takes a step into the moonlight, a dangerous glint in his eye.
“What’s wrong? Not enjoying the party?”
Oh no…
MEET ME ON THE ROOF
“What are you doing here?” I ask, pressing my back against the rooftop’s railing.
