“Mr. Lawson, are you partaking in extracurricular exercise? What does your coach have to say about that?”
He snorts in response.
“Oh, please. I'm pretty sure Coach would line up my hookups personally if he thought it would make me shut up about the return-to-play timeline.”
I know his rehab has been going slower than he'd like, and I wonder if talking to me isn't making it worse.
“Still no luck?”
He sighs loudly, and I can almost picture him flopping into the armchair in our apartment's living room.
Well, his apartment, I guess.
“Nah. They're letting me on the ice with the guys again, but I'm still in a no-contact jersey.”
“That sucks, man.”
He clears his throat, clearly done with the conversation at hand.
“Please tell me you've also found a hookup. It would be a fucking shame if a washed-up former college athlete was getting luckier than you.”
I cover my face with a hand, not sure what to tell him – what I evencantell him. I know my instinct was to call him for his advice, but now that push has come to shove I'm not really sure what to say.
Apparently the silence says enough.
“Carter...you didn't hook up with a married guy, did you?”
“He's not married.” Somehow I can't bring myself to pick up the convenient lie.
“...engaged? I mean, dude, as long as everyone's consenting, what's the problem?”
I laugh at that. Avery is nothing if not sex-positive.
“He's...discrete.”
“So he's closeted.” I can tell from the tone of his voice that he isnota fan of this.
“You know it's not that simple.”
Avery has been known to hook up with people of all genders, and has as long as I've known him. At the same time, he's never talked to the press or coaches about it and has a strict “don't ask, don't tell” policy in general when it comes to his personal life. He's not reallyinthe closet...but he sure as hell isn'toutof it, either.
“But, Jamie...doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of being out if you're dating a closeted guy?”
His words mirror my own thoughts. For the past five years, I've told myself that one of the upsides of being out is that I'd never haveto hide. Now, here I am hiding again. At the same time, being out has been such an enormous clusterfuck with the press that I can't imaginedatingsomeone right now, with all the increased attention it would bring them.
“Who said anything about dating? A blowjob doesn't make a relationship – as you well know.”
Avery preferred to keep things casual – hell, he and I had even been known to fool around on occasion, although that hadn't happened for years at this point.
“Yeah, and I also know you. If you're being this cagey about this guy, you're already invested. You'renevershy to share details.”
He has a point.
“They're not my details to share.”
He pauses, and I'm worried about what's to come.
“Look, I'm not trying to corner you here. I just want to make sure you're not lying to yourself.”
