I sigh, running my fingers through my hair and tugging at the roots until it hurts. “I—I don’t know what I am.”
The admission cracks something open. My knees go weak, my head spinning, breath coming too fast. I drop down into the sand, legs stretched out in front of me, elbows braced on my thighs as I bury my face in my hands. My heart slams against my ribs like it’s trying to escape. Everything feels too loud, too bright, too much.
I’ve spent my whole life knowing exactly who I’m supposed to be. The eldest son. The successor. The responsible one. And now that identity is splintering, piece by piece, and I don’t know how to hold it together.
I feel the sand shift beside me as Troy sits down. He doesn’t crowd me. Doesn’t speak right away. Then his hands are on my face again, firm enough to anchor me.
“Ash,” he says softly. “Hey. Look at me.”
I hesitate, then force my eyes open. His gaze is steady, calm, unshaken.
“Take a breath with me,” he says. “Okay? In through your nose. Slow.”
I try. My lungs stutter, but I follow his lead.
“Good,” he murmurs. “Now breathe out. You’re safe. Nothing’s happening right now.”
Another breath. Then another. The pounding in my chest eases, just a fraction. I fix my focus on his eyes—those swirls ofcopper—letting everything else fall away. My fingers rake through the sand, restless.
Troy’s hand covers mine, squeezing gently. His hands are smaller than mine, but his fingers are thicker where mine are slender. His nails are tipped with chipped black polish. Silver rings glint against his skin.
“You’re okay,” he promises, his thumb brushing the side of my palm.
“I’m just…” My voice fractures, and I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting the sting. “I’m so confused. And it’s all your fault.”
A smile tugs at the corner of Troy’s mouth. “Am I the first guy you’ve ever been attracted to?”
I let out a breath that’s half a laugh, half a huff of disbelief. “No.”
His brows lift slightly, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“I mean—yeah, sure, I noticed guys before,” I admit, staring at the abstract patterns I’m drawing in the sand. “Back in high school. Some of Luke’s friends on the football team.”
The words feel poisonous on my tongue, like I’m breaking some unspoken rule by saying them out loud.
“But I never let myself think about it for real,” I continue. “It didn’t seem worth it. Not when my whole life was already planned out.” I shake my head, bitterness creeping in. “Take over the orchard. Marry a nice local girl. Have a few kids—enough to help out around the farm someday.”
Shame coils tight in my gut. “I figured if I ignored it long enough, it would go away. That maybe I’d meet the right girl and everything would just… click. Fix itself.”
Troy stays quiet, his thigh brushing against mine, steady and warm.
“But then you moved here,” I finish quietly, “and you ruined everything.”
He laughs, a little incredulous. “Wow. Do I really have that kind of power?”
I look down at him through half-hooded lashes. “You have no idea.”
Something shifts in his expression then, the teasing hardening into something more serious. His teeth worry his bottom lip, twirling the silver piercing.
“Ash,” he says quietly, “can I ask you something?”
My stomach sinks, but I nod.
“Would you let me take you out sometime?” His voice is light, but something close to fear flickers across his eyes. “Like… on an actual date.”
I blink at him. “A date?” I ask, stupidly. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah,” he says without hesitation. “Dead serious.”
