I want to scream but steel myself to keep my emotions in check.
He flicks his head towards the door on the opposite wall.
“Go get cleaned up. Make sure you don’t miss an inch, ’cause I’m going to claim every single bit of you.”
I get off the bed gingerly and walk slowly towards the bathroom, trying not to make it obvious that I am casing the room, analyzing if there is anywhere for me to escape from. There’s only one heavy door, and it has no handle, meaning it’s key entry. And the large high windows, which I’m not delusional enough to believe I could climb out of.
“All I wanted to do was tell you the truth,” he says.
I pause but don’t turn back to face him.
“Your uncle and AJ ordered your father’s death. And your stupid bitch of a mother could’ve chosen to stay with you, but she chose death instead. What does that tell you, huh?” he says callously. “I’m the only one who cares about you. No one else thinks you’re worth staying for. Not even the woman who birthed you.”
Pain lances my chest and I double over. I go to stand again, but the room spins and now it’s on its side, and I realize I am falling.
Crack!Pain pierces through my head.
When the darkness comes again, I don’t have the will to fight it.
Chapter Fifty-Four
A Fine Line Between Right And Wrong
Raf
When we pullup to my home, I’m already getting out of the door before the car comes to a complete stop, racing to get inside. At this point she’s been missing for nearly three hours.
I walk through the entryway, scanning for some clue to tell me what happened.
There’s nothing. I walk into the kitchen and see her designer gym bag, the one I gave her shit about because what do mean you need an eighteen-hundred-dollar designer gym bag. I go straight to open it, rummaging through hoping to find what? I’m not sure. Anything that could possibly tell me where shemight be. Anything that makes me feel tethered to her even though I have no fucking clue where she is or if she’s okay.
I pull out her clothes, towels, and drink bottle then proceed to open every pocket and poke around inside. I amass a collection of things—lipstick, lip gloss, mints, hair elastics, Tylenol, tampons, a small purse refill of her perfume. I pocket that. I open the final zip on the base of the bag, which I almostmissed. Inside, I find a white envelope wax sealed with her initials CP and her gun. For a moment, I wish she had armed herself before she walked through the house, but then I think how much worse it might have been if she did. I stick it inside my jacket before I turn over the envelope. It’s addressed to me. All the blood drains from my face. I have an audience now—AJ, Marco, and Seb have arrived. Evie or Marco must have filled Seb in.
“Raf, do you need a moment alone?” Seb asks. I look up and nod, pushing past them towards my bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed and with trembling fingers I peel the wax seal from the back of the envelope and slide out the folded paper. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in before unfolding it.
Dear Raf, AKA Big Bad Raf, Law Daddy, and my fav of all time, My Husband,
If you’re reading this, then the first thing I want you to know is how sorry I am that I brought some sort of drama to your doorstep. As I told you the night Marco was shot, bad luck seems to follow me around like a lost puppy—and yet instead of sending me packing, you told me to pack my bags and move in. I know you probably think it’s bat-shit crazy that I wrote you a letter and made sure to keep it in my bag for you to find if things took a turn for the worse—I’m sure my therapist would remind me to reframe this fatalist mentality—but in this instance, I think feelingreassured you will have a way to understand just how much you meant to me if I don’t get the chance to tell you in person is a small comfort. One I understand all too well, having been on the receiving end of a letter just like this. It won’t heal the wounds left behind by the loss, but it can go some way to help you find peace when someone you care deeply for is no longer here to tell or show you.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve both come to care deeply for each other over the last few months, and I think the thing I’m most sad about is that I won’t get to stare into your eyes when I tell you this; I love you Raf. I love you with every inch of my mind, body, and soul. If I don’t make it back to you for whatever reason, I want you to know that you made my existence immeasurably better because I got to laugh, love, and live my life with you. In fact, if I was to find eternal rest at the ripe age of twenty-four, it would be with a peaceful heart because I was lucky enough to know what it meant to love for better or worse, in good and bad times and in sickness and in health.
I’ve lost a lot in my life, but when I found you, it felt like I found my home. You’re a good man, Raf. Honorable, fiercely protective, and loyal.You’re everything and more than I ever wanted in a husband, and though it started as a means to an end, just know you meant everything to me. If this is the end of our journey here on Earth, take comfort in knowing I will wait for you in every lifetime and in every realm. Thank you for giving me parts of you I didn’t believe I was worthy of. Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for loving me even if you didn’t realize that’s what you were doing. I know how much you love a saying, so I’m gonna leave you with one final one. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” You’re perfect just the way you are Raf, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Love you to infinity.
Per sempre tuo.
Forever Yours, Chiara, AKA Little Devil, Angel, Your Wife
Drip. Drip. Drip. It’s only when the ink runs slightly that I realize the water is actually my own tears dripping off my nose. I drag my hand underneath to stop more from falling and fold the letter back up, sliding it into the envelope and propping it on my bedside table. She’s been missing only hours and already it feels like there’s a gaping hole in every room she would occupy, but mostly in my heart. I look around and see all the bits of her in our room. The weighted blanket she insisted she needed tosleep but hasn’t used once since she moved into our bed because the weight of my hand on her seems to do the trick. The pearl-lined clip on her bedside table. Mints because she doesn’t want to kiss me with “gross morning breath” but also must kiss me as soon as she opens her eyes. Her earbud case emblazoned withaudiobook girl 4 life.On the dresser, her Le Labo perfume and a picture frame with a photo of her parents overlaid with a polaroid of us sharing our first kiss as Mr. & Mrs. Princi. It was a tender kiss on the lips, but our connection in that moment made it one of the most memorable kisses of my life. I regret letting my own pride and insecurities get in the way and not admitting to her that night it meant more to me than just a way out of her situation. It meant forever. I just didn’t have the words to articulate what I know now: I am so damn hopelessly and irrevocably in love with her.
Right now she may not be safe, but I don’t believe for one second she’s dead. I can feel it deep in my bones. She’s still somewhere in this city, and I’ll stop at nothing to make sure I find her so I can confess that I’ll love her until my dying breath.
I stand and take her gun out of my jacket pocket and place it with the letter. Then I strip out of my suit, hanging it in my wardrobe before pulling on black jeans, a black tee and black cap, and tucking the gun into my waistband. I take the burner phone out of the safe, hovering over the power button. Part of me is anxious to turn it on to see if Alessandro has made contact, the other part afraid of what I might see if he has.
One new message.
“Wife, huh?” AJ says grimly. “You could’ve at least given me credit for the idea by asking me to be your best man.”
I spin towards the door, phone still in hand, nerves frayed for a multitude of reasons, including if his uncle finds out about this, I’ll be added to his hit list too.
