And Jinx was long gone.
Which was funny because I felt likeIwas long gone, too. Or, rather, like I never came back from Neverwhen.
A knock on the door.
“Rise and shine, darling. It’s breakfast-in-bed time!”
Father pushed the door open while simultaneously holding onto the tray in his hands that was full of food. Full of milk and tea, which would be spilled all over the saucers, but I didn’t really mind. I liked breakfasts in bed, if only because I got to eat alone.
“Morning, Father,” I said, sitting up in the bed, pulling the pillows up against my headboard to make myself comfortable.
“A fine morning, indeed. Look at that sunlight!” he said as he came closer and brought the tray to my lap. The little legs on the corners fit exactly right on the sides of my legs—because he’d made it especially for me.
“Well, itissummer,” I muttered, then regretted it.
It wasn’t hisfault that I was so…off. No—he was to blame for other things, but not this.
A kiss on the top of my head. “Summers can be rainy, too,” he claimed and sat near my legs, smiling that painfully fake smile that made me so uncomfortable I had hardly looked him in the eye since I came back. Mother, too.
“How did you sleep, darling?” he said. “Any dreams? Anything…new?”
I knew exactly what he was asking, but I pretended I didn’t when I picked up the teacup. “Nope. No dreams.”
He did his best to hide his disappointment.
I looked a lot like my mother. Same face shape, same lips,same cheekbones, but my eyes were identical to my father’s. A pale blue—like the sky with only a thin layer of clouds over it—and they were identical in shape, too. I always thought that was there reason why I could read him so well, always knew what he thought, how he felt.
Right now, he felt like he wanted to get out of his own skin—only there was no space left inside me to feel guilt. I was already full.
“Any, erm…memories?” he asked next because he felt he hadto.
Hehadto ask every single day but never once did he considertelling mewhat would help me get my memories back.
I shook my head. Took a long sip of my tea. “No memories.”
Like every morning, I considered telling him that I no longer expected to (whathecalled)wake upand remember all that the Turning Trials had taken from me, all my memories, everything that had happened. I no longer believed that I was going to get those four weeks of my life back—even though technically, I hadn’t been away from home a single day. The date was the same. I’d gone forward in time, two weeks—and then I’d gone back, too. To look at a calendar, you’d find I’d never even spent a whole day in Neverwhen.
Which didn’t even fit withmymemories of it because I didn’t remember ever leaving home in the first place. All I remembered was watching the royal carriage come down the hill, and then…nothing.
I woke up in a strange place near the Great Clock, surrounded by eight other people and a screaming crowd, dressed in strange clothes. I woke up to be told that I’d not onlywonthe Turning Trials, but I’dunwonthem, too.
What a strange, strange world I’d woken up in.
“Well, that’s a shame,” Father said and patted my shin. “I’ll let you?—”
“It would be easier if I knew what happened,” I said—because this was somethingIfelt I had to tell him, too. Every single day, knowing perfectly well that it wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t going to change anything, but I still had to try.
Father flinched, jumped to his feet like I’d assaulted him physically.
I picked up one of the boiled eggs.
“Dangerous,” he said. “Too dangerous. You’ve read the decree. You know what it could do to you.”
Yes, I’d read the royal decree released by the queens the same day the trials were…unfinished?
Maybe just unwon.
“I’m sure it would help to hear at leasta little bitof what ha?—”
