“Sam—I’mfine.I promise.”
“But you won’t even go to a friend’s movie premiere. How are you ever going to say good-bye to me?”
“Maybe I don’t feel like going out,” I say. “And I can say good-bye to you whenever I want.”
“Then say it now.”
His words hang in the air between us for a long time.How could he say this to me?I don’t even know how to respond. I hate that I have to prove something to him. A pain goes through me. “I can’t right now…”
Sam lets out a knowing sigh. “Then when will you?”
There’s a long silence between us.
“I think you should go to the festival tomorrow,” Sam says. “I think it will be good for both of us.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, trying not to overreact. “Isn’t it my choice? What if I just don’t want to?”
“I don’t see what’s the big deal,” Sam says. “It’s only a few hours. Why are you so against it?”
“I didn’t say I was.”
“Then prove it. And go.”
My voice sharpens. “Fine.I’ll go! And I’ll have a great time.”
“Good. I hope you do.”
“I will!”
We hang up the phone. I text Tristan right away, letting him know I’ve changed my mind. He responds a second later, words full of excitement, which makes me feel less guilty. But how can Sam ask me to do this to him? To the both of us? I don’t understand what he wants me to prove. I try not to let this get to me because it will only show Sam he’s right. He doesn’t need to worry about me.
I wish our call hadn’t ended badly, especially tonight. I get a text from Yuki, telling me everyone’s on their way over. It happens to be the night we planned to do something special for Sam. I’m supposed to take us back to the fields to release the lanterns. I think about asking them to postpone it, but they’ve put in so much effort, I can’t let everyone down. I have to collect myself and not let the call bother me. I think about what Sam said earlier. Maybe I am wasting too much time on us. I need to focus on my own life instead.
Jay sits in the front seat with Oliver, and we pick up Mika along the way. This is the first time all of us are together. I am squeezed in the back between Yuki and Rachel. Jay brought some snacks and passes them back to us. I admit, it makes me smile to see everyone jam-packed in the car, eating Pocky sticks. But it doesn’t escape me that one person is missing. Jay is navigating with his phone and finds a different path that will cut our walking distance in half.
The sun has vanished by the time we reach the spot, replaced by a vast ocean of a night sky, freckled with stars. I use my memory of that day with Sam to guide our walk through the woods. I’m surprised I remember everything, especially in the dark. Mika has her arm linked through mine for the entire walk. When I see the tips of the barley jumping across the top of the fields like fish, I make us stop.
“We’re here.”
The others release a collective breath as we stare out at the view in awe.
“How did you know about this place?” Rachel asks.
“Sam brought me here once.” I don’t tell her when this was.
We move farther down the fields until we find the perfect spot. Jay unzips his backpack as everyone helps prepare the lanterns for the ceremony.
“How do these things work again?” Oliver asks as Rachel comes around, handing out paper lanterns.
“The hot air from the candles will help them rise,” Yuki says as she begins lighting tea candles for us. “We just have to let them go.”
I watch as my lantern blooms with warmth and light. It’s like holding a piece of the sun in my hands.
“These things aremassive.” Oliver laughs, moving his lantern up and down.
I look around at everyone, and see their faces illuminated by the lantern lights, their smiles, the grass swaying at our shoes, the sky starry and endless, and breathe in the beautiful moment we’re sharing. I never thought I’d be back here in the fields so soon. Especially with all our friends.
I turn to Yuki. “Is there a significance to this? When you release them for someone, that is.”
