“I’m not really sure,” Yuki says regretfully. “It’s different for everyone.”
I stare out the window again, unsure of myself.
Yuki touches my shoulder. “But sometimes they’re just dreams,” she says. “And they might mean nothing at all. So don’t worry too much, alright?”
“Maybe you’re right,” I say. “I just wish I could get a regular night’s sleep…”
Yuki looks away in thought. “You know, I might have something that could help,” she says, setting down her tea. “Come…”
I follow Yuki to the counter where she left her bag. She opens it, searching through the pockets. When she finds what she’s looking for, she turns around and places something in the palm of my hand.
“Here…”
“What’s this?” I say, turning it in my hand. “A crystal?”
Pristine white, pearly, and translucent, it almost glows from within, giving off its own light.
“It’s selenite,” Yuki says. “My mother gave it to me. It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection. It also wards away negative energy. Maybe it can protect you from bad dreams.”
I run my fingers over it. “How does it work?”
“You just carry it with you,” she says softly. “It’s named after the moon goddess, you know. You see”—she turns the crystal over in my hand, revealing its sides—“selenite is said to hold a drop of light that dates back to the beginning of the universe. People believe it’s connected to something outside of our world…”
I study the faces of the crystal. It feels warm in my hand, glinting back at me like moonlight. “You really believe in it?”
“I like to think it’s protected me,” Yuki says, nodding. “Now it’s yours, though. It’s also a bit fragile, so be careful.”
I hold the crystal close to me.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I hope this brings you some peace,” Yuki says. “I have a feeling you’ll need it.”
It’s still raining by the time Yuki leaves the store. I haven’t seen a customer in hours, so I decide to close the place up early. At home, I help my mom make dinner. There’s this Parmesan from a specialty store an hour away that she buys, and it pairs well with mushroom and spinach pasta. High-quality cheese is one of the few luxuries allowed in our household. My mom always says, “It’s an investment.” I never argue with her on this.
I set the table as my mother pulls the breadsticks from the air fryer. The news is playing in the living room with the sound muted. My mother likes to leave the TV on throughout the day. She says it makes the house feel less empty. Usually during dinner, my mother likes to share strange theories her students come up with in her classes. Like the one where we’re all living in a video game controlled by a twelve-year-old girl on her brother’s computer. But tonight is quieter than usual. Like we both have something on our minds. “You got a letter in the mail today,” she says after a while. “I left it on the counter.”
“I saw it,” I say. It’s an acceptance letter from Central Washington University. I already got the email a few days ago.
“Well what did it say?”
“I was accepted.”
My mother stares at me, beaming. “Julie, why didn’t you tell me? We should celebrate.”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I say, twirling the pasta with my fork. “Everyone gets in there.” Central is not the most competitive. As long as you have decent enough grades, you get in. It’s the decision from Reed I’m still waiting on.
My mother watches me pick at my plate. “I know it isn’t your first choice, Julie…” she says. “But you should still be proud. Central Washington is a perfectly good school, even if you might not think so. I mean, I teach there, after all. Don’t write it off so fast.”
I look at her. “You’re right. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…” I sigh. “I don’t know if I want to spend another four years in Ellensburg. That wasn’t my original plan. That’s all.”
“That wasn’t any of our plans,” my mother says, maybe more to herself. The table goes quiet again. “But I get it… Things haven’t been so great around here. Especially recently. Especially for you.” She stares at the table for a moment, as if in thought. “Maybe it’s a bit selfish of me, wanting to have you around a little longer. I know you’re not going to be here forever, Julie. But… I was hoping we’d at least spend some time together before you graduated. Before you left.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere yet,” I say. “I’m still here.”
“I know…” she says, releasing a breath. “But I don’t get to see you too much. I know it isn’t your fault… but you’ve been hard to reach lately. This is the first time you and I sat down for dinner in two weeks. I just feel a little less… connected to you. But maybe that’s just me.”
I stare at my phone on the table, then back at my mom. Has it really been that long since we had dinner together? After Samdied, I brought my meals up to my room. And since we’ve been connected again, I been spending all my time with him. I was gone all day yesterday. And the day before. A wave of guilt hits me as I think of what to say. I used to talk to her about everything. But I can’t open up about Sam. I can’t tell her what’s happening. “I’m sorry,” is all I can say. “I didn’t mean to ignore you.”
