My eyes crack open to reveal a sliver of the world. I’m too numb from the cold to know which way is up or down or where the sky is. I reach into the back of my mind for some sense and come up empty.
“Sam?”I say again.
“Can you hear me, okay? I wasn’t sure if this would work.”
“What’s going on?”
“I wondered if you’d ever call me back,” he says, as if nothing is out of the ordinary. As if we are continuing a conversation we left off yesterday. “I missed you. I missed you infinity.”
I can’t think straight. I don’t know what’s happening.
“Did you miss me, too?”
I take in his familiar voice, the rain against my skin, the feeling of my body sinking into the ground, the sudden dizziness in my head, and try to make sense of what’s happening. As strange as this all seems, I can’t help asking, “Is this… really you, Sam?”
“It’s me,” he says, and laughs a little. “I thought I’d never hear from you again. I thought you might have forgotten about me.”
“How am I talking to you?”
“You called me.” His voice is as calm as water. “And I picked up. Like I always do.”
Always.
“I don’t understand… How is this possible?”
The line goes quiet. Raindrops roll off my skin like sweat. Sam takes a moment to respond.
“To be honest with you, Julie, I don’t understand this, either,” he admits. “I don’t know how this is happening right now. Just know that it’s really me. Okay?”
“Okay…” I manage to say.
I decide to go along with this, let his voice cover me like an umbrella, even though this can’t be real. I feel my mind slipping, and myself sinking deeper into the earth as I hang on to Sam’s voice like rope. Even though I don’t know where it’s coming from. I want this to be him, but it can’t be. It’s impossible. And then it hits me.“I’m dreaming…”
“This isn’t a dream,” Sam says, his voice filling the woods. “I promise.”
“Then how else are we talking?”
“The same way we always have. Through the phone, just like this.”
“But Sam… I still don’t—” I start.
“I know,” he goes on. “It’s a little different this time, but I promise to give you a better answer soon. But for right now, can’t we just enjoy this? This phone call, I mean. Getting to hear each other again. Let’s talk about something else. Anything you want. Like before.”
Before.I close my eyes again, and try to go back there. Before I lost him. Before any of this happened. Before everything was ruined. But when I open them again, I’m still here in the woods. And Sam is still a voice on the line.
“You still there?” he asks. His voice is so clear, I turn my head, expecting to see him.
It’s only me out here. A question comes to me. “Where are you?”
“Somewhere,” he answers vaguely.
“Where?” I ask again. I adjust the angle of the phone, listening for background noises on his end, but the rain drowns everything out.
“It’s hard to explain. I mean, I’m not entirely sure if I knowmyself. Sorry I don’t have all the answers. But none of that matters, okay? I’m here now. And you and me are connected again. You don’t know how much I missed you…”
I missed you, too. I missed you so much, Sam.But the words won’t come out. A part of me still thinks I’m dreaming. Maybe I’ve fallen through some rabbit hole and entered an alternate reality. Or maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. Whatever it is, I’m afraid that if our conversation ends, I will lose him again and never get my answer.
The rain continues. But the sky has reduced it to a soft drizzle.
