Mom’s wrong that I’ll regret not going. What I would regret is seeing Dad kiss Shirley and learning their fate. I’d regret pretending to be happy for him. I’d regret seeing how happy he is in his new life, knowing that he was once ours. And most of all, I’d regret being there to commemorate the official end of our family.
——
I spend the rest of the evening doing nothing but responding (and not responding) to text messages. Sophie texts to say she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about her and Cassidy earlier, but isn’t it great that they’re together? She seems really happy. Cassidy texts too. She doesn’t apologize for keeping their relationship a secret, and she’s just as thrilled as Sophie is.Can u believe she’s my gf now??????
Probably because I ran away from them earlier, they both want to know if I’m happy for them. I tell them that I am, and I want to mean it. But all I can see is what their relationship does to our friendship.
X texts right as I’m getting into bed.
My stomach does a happy little boogie when his name pops up on my screen, but then the boogie turns into a slow, heavy shuffle. What am I even doing? Between Dad’s announcement and seeing the vision of Sophie and Cassidy, I don’t need any more reminders of why being with X is a bad idea.
X:Hey, just saying hey
X:Was your day good?
It takes me ten minutes to come up with something that answers his question without encouraging any follow-up questions.
Me:Yup. Getting into bed now though
Me:Have a good night
X:OK
X:Good night
I stay awake for a long time, thinking. People are always saying stuff like “Take a chance on love.” “Love is worth the risk.” Etc.
But the visions have taught me differently. Dad getting engaged to the woman he cheated on Mom with taught me differently. Yes, falling in love requires a leap of faith. But people only jump because they don’t know what the ground looks like. Theybelievetheir landing will be soft. That the ground is covered in soft stuff—feathers, down pillows, fluffy baby blankets, the shaggiest shag carpeting. But I’ve seen the ground. It is covered in lethal spikes fashioned from the bones of other jumpers.
The fall is not at all survivable.
CHAPTER 29
The Ones You Don’t See Coming, Part 3
THE NEXT DAY,I manage to avoid Sophie and Cassidy while also pretending not to avoid them. In the morning, I go to my locker ten minutes earlier than usual. At lunchtime, when they text me from the cafeteria, I tell them I’m catching up on homework in the library. After school, I say I have to run errands for Mom.
But they suspect something’s wrong.
Later that evening, Mom knocks on my door. “Your girls are here,” she says. “I didn’t know they were coming over.”
I didn’t either.
When I get downstairs, Sophie and Cassidy are both eating lemon-blueberry cookies from Mom’s latest recipe experiments. Sophie’s even drinking a glass of milk. Mom hangs out with us for a few minutes, asking the usual parent questions:How are your folks? How’s senior year? Ready for college?She’s done with her questions and they’re done with their cookies faster than I want them to be. Mom goes back to watchingSugared Up!on TV.
“Let’s go up to your room,” says Cassidy.
She starts in as soon as I close my door. “Why are you avoiding us?”
“I’m not,” I say, without meeting her eyes. We both know I’m lying. I try again. “I’m just really—”
“Busy. Yeah, we heard,” says Cassidy.
Sophie walks to my bed and sits down. “We were wondering if seeing us together is weird for you.”
“Why would it be weird?”
Cassidy sighs an impatient sigh, but Sophie keeps going. “Because Cassidy and I are a couple now and it makes things different for the four of us.”
