I force my brain cells to stop abdicating their duties and remind myself that he’s not my type.
Mainly because I don’t have a type. Not anymore.
And even back when I did have a type, it was never anyone so…obvious. Tall, hipster-hot and in a band? I mean, he’s the definition of a heartbreaker, right? Literally, he was just breaking someone’s heart. It doesn’t matter that he seemed genuinely pained while he was doing it.
“Okay,” I say. “I’m leaving now.”
He raises a single eyebrow and I almost laugh. For a second, I feel like I’m a character in one of my old romance books. Raising a single eyebrow is such a Classic Romance Guy Characteristic.
I grab my bike and head out and tell myself I’m not in a romance novel.
CHAPTER 10
Classic Romance Guy Characteristics: A Nonexhaustive List
Aforementioned uncanny ability to raise a single eyebrow.
Propensity to smirk. Or to smile lopsided, self-deprecating smiles.
Inability to choose appropriately sized clothing. T-shirts are often too tight and stretch distractingly across (well-muscled) chests and toned biceps.
Unusual eyes. Typically one color flecked with another color. E.g.: “His eyes are green flecked with gold.”
CHAPTER 11
The Formula for Heartbreak
IT TURNS OUTthat people kiss all the time.
All. The. Time.
It happens again later that same day. I’m in the baking aisle at the grocery, picking up the (real, Tahitian) vanilla beans Mom wants. There’s a man musing on the difference between baking powder and baking soda. A woman—his girlfriend—tells him it’s cute how much he doesn’t know. She leans in and kisses him. The entire history of their relationship plays out in front of me, just like it did with Danica and Ben, and Shelley and Sheldon.
They met through a dating app and had their first date at a coffee shop. The first time he said I love you was over text, with red heart emojis. She called him right away and told him she loved him too. They went ring shopping together. He proposed to her at the same coffee shop where they had their first date.
Sometime soon, he’s going to get a job offer for someplace in South America. He’s going to tell her he wants to break up and take the job and go on an adventure. She’s going to tell him that’s what marriage is. He’s going to tell her that marriage may be an adventure, but it’s not one he wants to take, not yet and not with her.
The rest of the week goes by in the same way. I have at least one vision every day. I’m amazed at all the different ways people connect.
There’s the girl who watches the same movie three times in a row so she can keep flirting with the usher between showings.
And the boy who pretends not to know the rules of football so the other boy will explain it to him.
