“First of all, I want your word that anything we discuss is just between us, okay?”
“Of course. You’re like my brother, for God’s sake, Ash. If you want this just between us, I won’t talk about it with anyone.” Hank’s voice was low. “Now spill.”
“Okay, so you know I started hanging out with this guy I met at A Helping Hand, right?” Ash asked.
“Yeah, Walker something, right? You haven’t really said much about him. Is there a problem?”
“Well, he told me that he has a history of using. Specifically, oxy.” Ash sipped his beer. “At first, I didn’t think much of it. He kind of played it down and said it was in the past, but it got me to thinking about how I’ve dealt with users in the past. After all, we’ve seen our share of folks strung out on all sorts of shit over the years.”
“That’s the truth.” Hank stared at him. “So what’s bothering you? The fact that he used in the past, or the fact that you haven’t had a very high opinion of drug users up until now? Are you developing feelings for him?”
Ash sighed. “Shit. All of it, I guess. We’ve become pretty good friends, and sometimes—well, if I’m being honest, most of the time—I’m hoping we could be more than friends, but can this even work? A former drug user and a cop? Am I crazy to even think about pursuing this?”
“First of all, breathe. You’re gonna get through this. I’ve got your back, and I know your family does as well.” Hank’s hand landed on Ash’s shoulder, and he gave it a small squeeze.
“Thanks. This is all I can think about, and it’s driving me crazy.”
“Okay, let’s go through what’s bugging you and see if we can figure a few things out. What do you know about his past usage?”
Ash went through everything Ker had told him. Years of being a detective helped him remember all the important details.
“So it sounds like he’s been keeping his nose clean for the most part. Do you believe him?”
“I do. I haven’t seen any indication that he might still be using. And he’s going to meetings and has a sponsor that he calls when things get rough.”
“That’s good. Okay, so it appears that he’s not using right now and is doing things to make sure he doesn’t slip again. What’s next?”
“Well, I guess when I stop and think about it, I haven’t been especially understanding about the users I’ve known. I think it’s the nature of our work, but we always see the bad side of these things and tend to think of users in the worst possible way. I don’t wanna think of Ker like that, but honestly, it kinda creeps into my brain sometimes.”
“I get what you’re saying.” Hank nodded. “It’s helpful if you just keep reminding yourself that these folks are people, just like you and me. That goes for Ker as well as anyone you might encounter as part of the job.”
“Thanks. How’d you get to be so smart?” Ash asked.
“When I was younger, I had a cousin who got hooked. It started off with pot, then escalated to pills, and later, heroin. It was awful. Most of my family turned their backs on Dan, but I couldn’t. Neither could his mother. My aunt and I did everything we could to try and help him, but nothing worked.” Hank’s voice broke as he spoke. “He OD’d when he was just twenty-two. His mom constantly tried to remind the rest of the family that he was still a part of us, and that we should all do what we could to try and help him, but that message fell on deaf ears.”
“I’m so sorry, Hank.” Ash kept his voice soft.
“I still think about Dan and what he went through. So I constantly remind myself that everyone’s going through something, and we’re often not privy to their struggles.”
“I really appreciate you talking to me about this, Hank. It definitely helps. And again, I’m sorry about Dan.”
“Thanks.”
CHAPTER
EIGHT
Ker
Ker tossed his keys into the bowl on the table near the door and placed the bag of food on the island as his phone rang. A late afternoon meeting, followed by a trip through a drive-through, meant he was getting home later than usual. Seeing it was Ash, he hit answer and tucked the phone between his shoulder and chin.
“Hey, Ash. What’s up?” Shrugging off his coat, he tossed it on one of the island chairs, opened the bag of fast food, and stuffed a few fries into his mouth.
“Just thought I’d call to say hi and see how you’re doing,” Ash replied. “Is this a good time?”
“I just walked in the door with my dinner, but if you don’t mind chatting while I eat my burger and fries, it’s fine with me.”
“Are you sure? I can call back, or you can call me when you’re done. I don’t want to interrupt your dinner.”
