Didn’t I know it? “It almost feels impossible at times. But–”
“That isn’t an excuse. I’m simply complimenting your keen senses.” A corner of his mouth ticked up, even as a sadness enveloped him. “The dagger. Evie’s wedding. It would be easyfor me to say that I did the right thing, now that we’ve won the war. But…if the cost of that success is your pain, it’s not truly a triumph.”
He inhaled deeply, shaking his head. “I didn’t want to hurt you or anyone else I cared about. I wanted everything to be resolved smoothly and I did everything I thought I needed to in order to make that happen.”
I huffed a small sigh. “Life doesn’t work like that.”
“No, it doesn’t. I can’t–” He licked his lips. “I can’t keep taking on problems after problems and think I’m the only one who knows how to solve them. Yes, I learned to do it so others wouldn’t feel the pressure, but over time it evolved into something different.” His gaze slashed to mine. “Control.”
I sucked in a breath. “Are you saying you want to control me?”
Too many emotions battled within me. Rebellion, knowing nobody could control The Huntress–or Allie. Depraved thoughts, knowing I craved losing my control in a single heated, sweaty, wild way.
“No. I admire that you can handle yourself,” he said. “That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to protect you. It’s a compulsion at this point. I need to know you’re safe. You know I worry.”
A smile pulled at the corner of my lips. “You do.”
“That will never change,” he said, voice caught somewhere between a warning and a fear of being rejected that he tried to stamp down. “I like knowing my people are safe. Doing everything in my power for that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like being in control.Thathas to change.”
“What brought on that epiphany?”
He looked at me for the longest time. “Because you also like to be in control.”
“I don’t like being in control all of the time.” I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, cheeks heating up. This was not the timeand place to talk aboutthatkind of control, no matter how much my thoughts tried to tug me in that direction.
“No. Not all the time,” he smiled slowly, eyes darkening. “But most of it.”
“I was raised to be a leader,” I said primly.
“What a coincidence, so was I. We need to find a balance.” He bit the side of his lip, as if I could concentrate on an important discussion while he was doing that. “If you want to, of course. I’m willing to do everything it takes to achieve that, but I can’t do it alone. Not in this.”
His words tugged at my heart, they did. It was hard for people like us to be vulnerable, especially in front of each other.
I couldn’t lie, the future he was painting was enticing.
Balance.
Peace.
Trust.
But those things didn’t just happen and weren’t easily earned, especially once lost. I felt his pure intentions–but what good were they if the actions inevitably led to more hurt?
However, he’d had the courage to open up–and I was no coward.
“You did hurt me,” I said, even that small admission feeling like I was ripping a part of myself before anyone else got a chance to. I couldn’t stop a drop of venom from coating my words, even as I felt guilt pulsing through his soul.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I truly am.”
“I know.” I licked my lips. “You know what the bigger problem is?”
“I’m always ready to be enlightened.”
“I really would have done the same thing.” I shook my head against reality, but it was the truth. Not some hissed line I’d thrown at him. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I understandeverythingthat led you to those decisions.”
I inhaled, long and hard, trying to quiet the drum of my heart that shook my voice. I didn’t have blood powers to calm me down, I only had air–though I knew Ryker would help me if I so much as hinted at it.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that you broke my trust,” I went on.
