“It’s just…you.” His eyes softened. “We’re inexplicably linked for the rest of our lives and your first thought is how it can benefit us. It’s…amazing. You’re amazing.”
Despite the pain, my heart leaped.
“Hate to break it to you again,” I said quickly, before the color rose in my cheeks. Fated mates or not, the trust between us had yet to be rebuilt. “But we were already linked for all eternity. We’re supposed to get married once all of this is over, remember?”
“I remember. Most days, it’s the only thing that keeps me going.”
My gaze fell from his and I gripped the edge of the bed hard enough to whiten my knuckles. I couldn’t have this discussion now, when everything was at risk of being taken away from me.
Right now, I didn’t dare dream of a future when our present was so unstable. What if I invited bad omens by hoping?
“Your relatives are awful,” I said when the silence stretched.
“They are,” he said and I tried to ignore the stab of disappointment I felt from him at my refusal to play along. “But I understand you handled them beautifully.”
“Dax ratted me out, did he?”
“Sylvester filled me in on the way to the fortress,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. “He’s such a gossip.”
“He was very proud of how you threatened those bastards with an icy grave..”
“Wait.” I frowned. “He wasn’t in the room.”
“No, he was perched right above the window you shattered.” Whatever softness had been slowly brightening his face instantly vanished. A fresh wave of guilt radiated off him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know–”
“I know,” I said earnestly. “I didn’t know I was frying you up, either.”
“Still. You shouldn’t have felt that pain. I couldn’t–” His voice changed. Colder. Vengeful. “I couldn’t think straight when I saw that snake…”
Ryker went eerily still once more, turning himself into that statue he needed to be to live through this.
Another crack marred my heart.
I couldn’t imagine the horror Geryll–sweet, innocent, eager Geryll–must have felt at being attacked by a gigantic snake.
Goosebumps erupted all over my skin as a flash of fangs invaded my mind. I shook my head to dislodge it.
“He wasn’t supposed to be there,” he went on, voice haunted and haunting. “I didn’t realize he’d snuck into the marching army. I thought he was safe and happy in the Capital and I didn’t even think twice to look for him.” He shook his head. “Why didn’t I check?”
I placed a gentle, hesitant hand on his shoulder. My skin instantly heated at the small contact. Try as I might, I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t missed his warmth. “It’s not your fault.”
“Then whose?” he asked viciously. “Because someone needs to pay for what happened. He’s gone–” He tilted his face to the ceiling, blinking rapidly, and making my heart ache. “And I didn’t protect him. I suggested he come to the Capital. Maybe if I hadn’t and insisted he stay here–”
“It’snotyour fault,” I said earnestly. “Geryll chose to sneak onto that battlefield.”
“But why?” His voice cracked. “He was so eager to get into that library. What changed? I took him into the arena and he was amazed by the warriors. That might have changed his mind.”
“Stop blaming yourself.” I leaned my head against his shoulder, struck by the sudden urge to wrap myself around him. “His death is not on your hands.”
“He’s–he’s dead. He was supposed to bury me. I’m the oldest. And now–” His chest trembled. “Now I can’t even bury him. I only have his shield.”
“The gods and his ancestors will receive him just the same.”
“That is my one solace. Because I don’t think they’ll ever receive me.” He shook his head and leaned it against mine. I felt his tears falling into my hair once more. “I have to go back onto that battlefield and fight a war we cannot win, when all I want to do is bring my warriors home and defend our land. I should be better than this.”
“You are.” I leaned back and grabbed his face in my hands. “Because you are going back out there to fight for what is right. Doubts are inevitable. It’s how we face them that matters.”
