He was steady when I stormed.
Controlled, when I wanted the world to shake in tune with my wounded soul.
But he was the one who wounded it.
“This isn’t how it’s supposed to work,” he went on, just as unflinching, and, for once, I found myself not eager to talk back. “You tell me something’s bothering you, I try to do better. Hopefully you’ll do the same for me.”
“Your mother must have been an amazing lady,” I said before I could stop myself. Then, quieter, bitter, “It’s easy to ask for absolution when you’re in the wrong.”
“Since you told me you would have done the same thing, I guess we’re both in the wrong.” His eyes trailed over my face, as if wanting to memorize the perfect image of me to keep him steady and sane. “And this isn’t about absolution. It’s about us. I don’t want us to devolve into bitterness.”
“I don’t care about what you want.”
“The same thing as you,” he said with absolute conviction. His arms tightened around me. “We can’t expect the silence to magically fix everything. ”
I stared up at him, dumbfounded. “You’re the one who chose silence first.”
He worked his jaw for the longest time. I could almost feel the words bubbling on the tip of his tongue.
“Really?” he bit out, finally.
“Yes!”
“And the whole escaping-in-the-back-of-a-cart was just your way of keeping me on my toes?”
My chin tilted as high as it could go. “I didn’t know you then. You were just an asshole from an enemy Clan who brought me here. For all I knew, you’d kidnapped me and told me lies to keep me complacent.”
“I didn’t lie,” he said simply, unflinchingly, as our breaths intertwined, each of them feeling like a negotiation.
“No, you didn’t,” I admitted, hating the way my skin loved how his breath ghosted over my forehead. “But you were a stranger.”
Sadly, a stranger who’d had more compassion for me than my whole Clan.
“I’m not anymore,” he said.
“Exactly!” I pushed against his chest, my anger too big to be contained. He stepped back, letting me pace through the room I’d shattered. A pang of remorse pulled at my heart, but I ignored it. “I opened myself in front of you, as much as I could, and you shut me out!”
I couldn’t hide the sadness coating my shaky words anymore. I wondered if I had before, and he’d just done me the courtesy of pretending I was still as fierce as I wanted to be.
He kept one hand on the table I’d ruined, not moving, brow furrowed. Not in anger, but in concentration.
“What about Dax?” he asked at last.
It was my turn to frown. “What about him?”
“He knows too much and moves too well for someone who’s supposed to waste his existence at party after party. Have any idea why?”
Dax had been as obnoxious as possible in Ryker’s presence, but he’d still seen through the facade. Back in the armory, he’d let the question dissipate.
Not anymore.
As my stomach dropped, his gaze didn’t let me go.
“It’s not the same,” I argued.
“Doenlightenme why.”
“Because you not knowing Dax’s secrets won’t break anybody’s heart.” I hated how my voice broke. “It’s the same as me not knowing why Nadya is always scowling or why Geryll insists on torturing himself.”
